No One Wants To Hear About Your Great Trip

Thanks to my good pal Andrew B for sending along the following email:

I wonder if this means that everyone hates you all the time, since this is kind of what you do for a living:

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/11/06/great-vacation-dont-brag-to-your-friends/

The NY Times story is actually worth a read, in my opinion. It suggests that people enjoy talking about experiences they have in common — no matter how boring — while they don’t enjoy hearing about experiences they can’t relate to:

Your friends don’t want to hear about your excellent adventures.

While you may have gotten great pleasure from an epic event — sipping a rare wine in Burgundy, watching a Himalayan sunrise — that pleasure is all your own.

A recent study in Psychological Science says that despite the thrills people receive from an extraordinary experience, few anticipate its potential social cost: exclusion by friends who would really rather not hear about it.

Harvard researchers found that when people socialize, those who had the same experience, no matter how mundane, enjoyed chatting about it together. Those same people might well exclude the person who thought others couldn’t wait to hear all about his or her most unusual one.

…

But the pleasure of a social encounter is built on commonality. People are more likely to enjoy talking about an ordinary experience they have all had rather than hearing about the fabulous one they didn’t. So sharing the details of your singular experience in a social setting can indeed backfire, leading to feelings of being excluded.

I suppose that makes sense, and might also explain why most of my friends have stayed at the Park Hyatt Tokyo, flown Singapore Airlines Suites Class, and visited Hong Kong. 😉

In all honesty, I’m not sure I agree. I certainly prefer hearing from friends about experiences they enjoyed, even if I can’t relate to them. I tend to think passion is contagious, no matter what the topic is. Then again, I am always up for discussing the latest season of Real Housewives…

You think there’s any truth to the study, or more specifically, do you think it actually relates to sharing travel experiences?

On the plus side, Andrew B really doesn’t have to worry about isolating his social circles this weekend, as he takes a cross country Amtrak trip…

Amtrak
Snapshots from Andrew B‘s trip: “A picture is worth a thousand words…unless it’s a picture of Indiana.“

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Ivan Y Diamond

Well... I think it depends on a situation but generally if you got an opportunity to travel in international first/business and stay at a very nice hotel, it's important to emphasize to your friends/coworkers/whomever that you are not bragging and trying to show off your enormous bank account but rather be more relatable and explain to them that with a certain amount of effort (CC sign-up bonuses, etc.) it's possible to upgrade a regular trip to a more luxurious experience by flying in a premium cabin, staying in a better hotel, getting some perks, etc.

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Peter Guest

A few people above commented how the level of interest dictates who the "real friends" are. I disagree. While everyone is probably jealous, your closer friends are more likely to be genuinely happy for you. Sure. But whether someone is truly interested in the details of your travel is mostly driven by how interested they are in travel in the first place. I assume that many readers on this blog hangout in circles where people fly a lot, so their best friendships may have been formed with people who also fly a lot. It'd only be weird if these "best friends" are not interested to hear about the suite classes and Park Hyatts, but them being friends is rather a result than a reason. I see this as similar to people posting countless baby pictures on Facebook... some of your friends will love seeing them, but many will start filtering your posts.

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blanca Guest

I completely stopped posting anything on facebook because of this. I take a domestic leisure trip of 4 days every two weeks. I also take 5 leisure international trips a year. Its what I like to do. I dont spend money time or effort on much else. My starter home is stuck in 1994 decorating and maintenance. I drive a Corrolla despite the fact I could afford a better car. In person I don't really ever reveal the quantity of trips I take a year unless pressed. I generally speak very little of my trips unless someone seems to be really interested. Even then it can start to become a big problem (a divide). I figure no one really cares what I do...they are involved in their own lives. I get it. My husband, on the other hand, "pays" his facebook friends to be intetested by having trivia contests complete with $50-$100+ prizes about his trips. I find it fascinating who participates, who doesn't, who secretly wants to, but doesn't, etc. It adds a whole extra dimension to the trip running the trivia contest. We sometimes get the hotel staff involved in forming the questions. They love it.

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JP New Member

I think the article is true. I share my travels on FB, but I have so far kept pics of the ultra-luxury aspects of it off of there. I have traveled an unusual amount for my profession this year and I starting to feel like its too much to share already. I would love to share more because I love this hobby but sometimes discretion is warranted.

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J Dee Guest

I agree with peachfront - most of us come here for the entertainment/information provided by your Blog @Imperator says I see your Senator class on a Lufthansa Lockheed Constellation & offer my First Class with Trans Australia Airlines on a DC-6B + First Class on a Qantas 707, in response. Alas, I don't have anything that compares with your flight on an Aeroflot Ilyushin IL-18 but I'm pleased you apparently survived intact.

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