Airplane seating arrangements can be complicated, especially when you’re traveling with others — some airlines charge to assign seats, some airlines don’t assign seats in advance, some people may book last minute and not be able to reserve seats together, etc.
There’s only so much that airline reservations agents and gate agents can do to seat people together, so often if you want to sit together, you may be relying on the kindness of strangers. In this post, I want to share my general philosophy on switching seats with other passengers — what’s the best way to go about asking, and under what circumstances do I agree to switch seats?
In this post:
When should you switch seats with others on airplanes?
When it comes to onboard seat swaps, I have a few thoughts both for the person asking to switch seats, and for the person being asked to switch seats.
If you’re the one asking to switch seats:
- Try to be as fair as possible — ideally ask someone to swap comparable seats, meaning an aisle for an aisle, or offer them a better seat, like an aisle seat in exchange for a middle seat
- Don’t take someone’s seat without asking — if you want someone to switch seats, don’t actually take their seat without asking first (which comes across as presumptuous), but rather try to approach them as they get to their seat
- It can never hurt to ask, and tone matters — there’s something to be said for the way in which you ask someone to switch seats, as there’s a big difference between saying “yeah I took your seat but you don’t mind switching, right?” and saying “is there any chance you wouldn’t mind switching seats with XYZ, we weren’t able to get seats together?”
- Accept no for an answer — someone made a decision to assign a specific seat (and possibly paid to assign it), so if they deny you, don’t badger them or be rude if they say they’d like to keep their seat
If you’re the one being asked to switch seats:
- You should never feel pressured to change seats — ultimately you assigned a seat and are entitled to sit there, so don’t feel pressure to change seats
- Recognize there may be reasons people couldn’t sit together — try to be compassionate, as you don’t know what others are going through; for example, people could have booked a flight last minute because they’re headed to a funeral
- Be polite — I think this should be true for just about any interaction in general, but respond politely, and if you’d like, maybe even explain why you prefer the seat you have (for example “I like an aisle seat because I go to the bathroom often,” “I like a window seat because I like looking out the window,” or “I don’t want to be in a bulkhead because I have a bag that I want to keep at my feet”)
My policy on switching airplane seats
While I don’t think you should feel like you have to switch seats, I still will in a vast majority of cases. My philosophy is quite simple:
- I’ll always honor a seat change request if it’s a similar type of seat (a non-bulkhead aisle for a non-bulkhead aisle, a bulkhead window on one side for a bulkhead window on another side, etc.) and I’m not traveling with someone
- While I generally prefer window seats, I’ll almost always agree to switch to an aisle seat (or other non-horrible seat) if the person is polite about their request, and if I feel like they have a legitimate reason to ask for the request (in other words, not just that they like a window seat more than I do, but rather that they’re traveling with a loved one)
- At the end of the day I’m fortunate to travel as much as I do, I recognize a lot of people have less vacation time and travel may be even more special for them, and if I can allow a couple or family to sit together by slightly inconveniencing myself, that’s a small price to pay to make someone else happy
Ironically, I’m too sheepish to ask others for similar seat change requests. I’ll politely ask others to make a switch to an identical seat in another row, but personally I couldn’t bring myself to ask someone to switch their type of seat.
The one exception is when I’m traveling in economy with someone, where I typically book an aisle and a window seat, hoping the middle seat stays empty. When it doesn’t stay empty, I’ll offer the person in the middle seat the window or aisle seat, and I’ve never been turned down. I think that’s fair, and a win-win.
But please, folks, don’t be ridiculous, like that time I flew MIAT Mongolian from Ulaanbaatar to Frankfurt, and was asked by a passenger if I could move from business class to economy class so that a woman could sit next to her husband. That’s just greedy — the correct etiquette there would be to ask the person sitting next to your husband in economy if they want to sit in business class.
Bottom line
On just about every flight there are several people looking to switch seats, to be able to sit next to travel companions. I think it’s perfectly fine to ask others to accommodate this, though don’t be surprised if you’re rejected. If you’re going to ask others to switch seats, try to be as fair as possible, and swap for a comparable or worse seat, rather than for a better seat.
Personally I try to be very accommodating of seat change requests. Life is short, and I want to do what I can to help people spend as much time as possible with their friends and loved ones, even if it’s just a few hours on a plane. That being said, I don’t count on the same courtesy in return. If I’m traveling with a friend or loved one and it’s a “reasonable” swap I’ll certainly ask nicely, but there are no hard feelings if they don’t honor it.
I’m curious to hear what OMAAT readers think — what’s your policy on airplane seat swaps?
I've been asked too many times and now I decline, period. No one ever offers the better seat -- and too many people just haven't planned ahead. No you don't have to sit with your spouse . . . you'll see them when we land. No, the entire family doesn't need to sit together . . . young children (5 or younger) just need to be by one parent. But no, they want everyone together. They plan ahead and pay for your seats! Just like I did.
So yeah . . . I'm done.
When booking two of us in Aisle and Window, and Middle does get allocated, I cheerily tell Middle "You have been upgraded to Window".
It genuinely is an upgrade in nearly everyone's view, so I don't think I am being impolite.
And if they say they would prefer Aisle, I would smile and say "Sure".
When flying alone, I get asked to seat swap quite a bit - solo young (now middle-aged) woman, of course I'll move!
The first time I did it I got a comparable seat swap, not a huge deal. The second and last time I did so, the flight attendant was giving me the "this mother needs to sit next to her child" spiel, and assured me I was getting another aisle seat not too far...
When flying alone, I get asked to seat swap quite a bit - solo young (now middle-aged) woman, of course I'll move!
The first time I did it I got a comparable seat swap, not a huge deal. The second and last time I did so, the flight attendant was giving me the "this mother needs to sit next to her child" spiel, and assured me I was getting another aisle seat not too far away.
NOPE. My aisle seat near the front was swapped for the last row, middle seat, between two large shouldered men. And the woman who begged to be sitting next to the young tween in the middle seat? She ended up walking her toddler up and down the aisle for much of the flight. (Her husband had apparently been sitting with the toddler - she was separated from the tween.)
I book aisles because I have permanently damaged hips - I need to be able to stretch or just stand up from time to time. So I was both pissed off and in a lot of pain hobbling off the plane. And the flight attendant who flat out lied to me wouldn't even look me in the eye or acknowledge me for the cross-country flight. I sent a customer service e-mail and got platitudes.
Never again. I understand that the airlines can and will swap seat assignments arbitrarily - it's not always a matter of families not planning correctly. When asked, I state that I have an invisible disability which leads to mobility issues, and so need an aisle seat - that pretty much ends any conversation.
Mostly I book Economy+ or First Class if I can now - there's less of the random seat swapping going on since these are higher paying fares and if someone from Economy does ask to switch, I ask them if they're prepared to pay me in cash for the fare difference.
I have been asked many times as I fly alone on business, I have never asked anyone. One time was QATAR QSUITE, window, the other person wanted me to switch to the other side of the plane, I said no, as I already booked my meals, and cleaned the QSUITE, and it was 2 male adults, there is no chatter on a window QSUITE, made no sense to me. One other time was on a...
I have been asked many times as I fly alone on business, I have never asked anyone. One time was QATAR QSUITE, window, the other person wanted me to switch to the other side of the plane, I said no, as I already booked my meals, and cleaned the QSUITE, and it was 2 male adults, there is no chatter on a window QSUITE, made no sense to me. One other time was on a DFW-HKG Lie flat, business class seat, an elderly man comes up and asks he wants to swap, i was like 2A. His seat is last in Business, as soon as the flight takes off, the person next to me brings up his baby from economy, that baby proceeds to cry for the better part of 15 hours to Hong Kong. The swapper slept well on that flight, every time the baby would cry I would look up and the 2A was sound asleep. First, I know the requesting person saw that person had a baby on board and wanted no part of it. Since then my answer is no, and I suggest everyone study the swap before they accept. They have even sent the flight attendants to ask me,FA usually begin by saying, "you dont have to accept if you dont want to", so I say no thanks.
Good point - if you can't see what they want to swap, there is probably something undesirable involved.
I have been in asked many times when traveling alone and have learned a couple things not to say. I sometimes default to politeness and say “no thank you “. That has made people mad,”why are you thanking me “. Also not helpful to point out you have a better seat than them. Women seem to accept a no better than men.
I picked my aisle seat, paid extra for the upgrade in cabin, travel solo many times, so my typical response is, "I'm happy were I am."
I tell my travel group (usually folks 60+ like me) to reply with the same comment, especially on TALT & transcontinental service. Don't be shamed for the world is full of hucksters.
Now that some airlines make you pay for choice of seats, has anyone ever offered to sell the seat to the person asking to change?
I get annoyed by couples who leave the middle seat empty in a three in the hope that it doesn’t get booked. I won’t pay to book seats and have been stuck with one. Always offered the aisle seat to switch but politely decline. Then sometimes offered the window, but not always. It’s a fun game and hilarious seeing some of the looks of disbelief and annoyance they exchange.
John, I take it you don't realize it, but you're an incel loser.
Not only are you traveling solo (no girlfriend with you) you are also poor (which is why you don't pay for seats) and you disrupt the social contract by insisting on your middle seat which you concede you do not even like. You "get annoyed" by people who do something which is fully in their right to do. Poor locus of control,...
John, I take it you don't realize it, but you're an incel loser.
Not only are you traveling solo (no girlfriend with you) you are also poor (which is why you don't pay for seats) and you disrupt the social contract by insisting on your middle seat which you concede you do not even like. You "get annoyed" by people who do something which is fully in their right to do. Poor locus of control, I think that's what psychologists call it, a mindset that dooms you to being a loser.
I approach the situation thinking of what economists call Pareto improvements - basically, improving one person's situation without making anyone else worse off. Don't ever offer a seat change if the other person isn't getting at the very least something equal - and still, ask nicely, because switching involves some transaction costs.
What is with your threatening absolutist tone?
@Davis Polk
Calm down, he's got a point.
What's with offering something inferior in exchangr of something superior?
Just because you don't like it doesn't make it an absolutist, snowflake.
As a woman, on more than one occasion, I have been asked by a man if he can have my exit row aisle seat. I respond by telling him no, and then I suggest that he ask the man sitting on the other side of the aisle, also in an exit row, if he would give him his seat. They’re usually so shocked by my response they just keep moving. It’s so sexist!
I'm sure they were just thinking about safety in that a female would be less 'reliable'/fit to open the emergency exit ! .... lol
Yeah, because it's the third person from the exit door that opens it.
Seriously, though, I'm sure EVERYone seated in the entire exit row is expected to be able & willing to comply with crew instructions & be prepared to operate the exit- who's to say window and/or middle pax could somehow be incapacitated or, more likely, panic/crap out & bungle their responsibilities.
Just try responding to the F/A when she/he/they give the verbal FAA mandated verbal drill to those seated in the exit row that you're...
Seriously, though, I'm sure EVERYone seated in the entire exit row is expected to be able & willing to comply with crew instructions & be prepared to operate the exit- who's to say window and/or middle pax could somehow be incapacitated or, more likely, panic/crap out & bungle their responsibilities.
Just try responding to the F/A when she/he/they give the verbal FAA mandated verbal drill to those seated in the exit row that you're not worried about it, since window or middle pax will open the exit..... See how that works for ya !!
@Mike1977 No, that is not sexist. Stop making something more out of nothing. It is just a normal thing to do. You would ask the person right next to you if changing seat is possible not someone on the other side of the aisle. If you want to talk about being sexist, I still remember twice on separate occasions when these women ask me to give up my seat on the subway while not asking the women to give up their seats. How sexist! Haha! You cannot have it both ways!
Ok, I’m joining the pile-on here. Lucky, if Tim Dunn’s behavior warranted a ban, doesn’t this “Arps” dude deserve the same at this point? His need to inject himself into literally every conversation and bully the original poster is…disturbing, to say the least.
Ah... Why not take the high road ( or altitude ! ) ? ... Grow some, put on the big boy panties .. and voila !! Simply SKIP right ovah the offending comments ! EZ-PEEZY !
Can't we all get along ?? ...lol
The only 'pile-ons' here should be the pylons connecting the engine to the wing IMHO !
@MeanMeosh
I was thinking the same thing. This Arsep's posts are so trollish and idiotic more often than not. At least I read Tim's posts sometimes for the analysis he brings to a topic whether one agrees with him or not.
Disagree. Arps is quite funny, it is Grade-A trolling, which is to be expected from a Biglaw HNW individual. More please!
TD, OTOH, is an insufferable one-note douche who lacks any self-awareness or sense of humor.
Gotta disagree a bit with your advice Ben, "but rather try to approach them as they get to their seat". I have seen passengers in the back come forward to approach a person for a seat change and hold up the boarding process while the negotiating takes place. Sometimes it's best for all if you soldier up and stay in your seat rather than disrupt.
I'd almost agree 100% .... Except for the ubiquitous 'exceptions' ( pax with small children or others needing support/assistance ) .... And, with 'acceptable documentation', those going to a funeral or for a medical procedure ! .. But definitely NOT for a faux-pax traveling with a faux emotional support fauna or flora ! Also the length of the flight enters into the benevolence calculus.
Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
That is an antisocial thought terminating cliche
We are all members of the same species on the same planet and wouldn't it be nice to extend a little grace?
Remember when this idiot said I was chronically online?
He was just being sarcastic in his above comment !! ..lol
I believe United asks you to pre-register credit card to be used for in-flight purchases. Is that associated with seat assignments? Can seat change result in incorrect charges when register credit card number with them and is there a way to avoid it?
The way flight attendants avoid this - and the crew are well aware that people switch around all the time - is by confirming your name before charging you
part of me thinks Arps deserves the TD treatment but hes also 100x funnier so I'm really torn lol
We often work across Skadden Arps and they're incredible lawyers. Please try to be grateful that you can learn from a high-value member of society instead of trying to tune it out.
lol. you're trolling.
I have three simple rules for seat swaps:
1) Ask nicely;
2) Don't ask me to swap my window for a middle; and
3) Don't ask me to swap my extra legroom seat for one without.
Do those three things, and I'll do my best to work with you. Try to pull crap like helping yourself to my seat and then claiming you don't speak English, acting rude, etc. when caught? You can explain yourself to the FA when I call them over because you won't move.
Here's how I read your entitled and self-centered comment
I have three rules. They're not written down. You have to read my mind. Follow my unwritten rules and I will be nice. Violate them and I am mean.
Airplanes especially international ones are full of people from all kinds of cultures where "simple rules" differ. Failure to acknowledge that, and moreover, insistence on people following your pet rules, and furthermore intentionally being mean to people...
Here's how I read your entitled and self-centered comment
I have three rules. They're not written down. You have to read my mind. Follow my unwritten rules and I will be nice. Violate them and I am mean.
Airplanes especially international ones are full of people from all kinds of cultures where "simple rules" differ. Failure to acknowledge that, and moreover, insistence on people following your pet rules, and furthermore intentionally being mean to people who do not read your mind, makes you an insufferable [profanity of your choice].
Here's how I read your entitled and self-centered comment: you feel entitled and are self-centered
Dave, I do not simply feel it. I know it!
As we sit around, hands joined, singing Kumbaya, a lotta those cultures (including our own) are full of rude, self-centered, liars & scammers as well ...
I think MeanMeosh sets a very civil, reasonable & LOW bar of behavior/courtesy.
Especially if a person cannot accept/read a boarding pass/seat assignment !!
Is there anyway to block posters here?
Of course. You can apply filter rules to a content blocker extension in your browser. However, something tells me you are not smart enough to figure that out.
Gawd, I' hope so .....
" Do as I say, not as I Do ! "
In Canada, economy class passengers have to pay for seat assignment. That's a reason that Canada should do better and become the 51st state, but I digress.
The key to getting to sit with your friends or family members is to get at least one decent seat, buying it, if needed. For example, on a plane with seats ABC, an aisle, then DEF, which is found in the 737 and A320, get seat 15F. If...
In Canada, economy class passengers have to pay for seat assignment. That's a reason that Canada should do better and become the 51st state, but I digress.
The key to getting to sit with your friends or family members is to get at least one decent seat, buying it, if needed. For example, on a plane with seats ABC, an aisle, then DEF, which is found in the 737 and A320, get seat 15F. If you have 15C and 35B, the person in 35C will almost certainly accept the trade for 15C.
The US has varying tiers of economy passengers. Only economy passengers with airline status can choose seats freely. The rest can only choose from non-"preferred" seats (i.e. choosing from only middle seats) or, on a basic economy ticket, cannot choose a seat at all.
Canada is a very nice place, except Toronto, where my ex-girlfriend is from.
Your ex girlfriend is certainly lucky!
Nice strategy..I'd just like to see the empirical data on its success, please !
Nonsense.
Rubbish.
Travel bloggers & avgeeks who read travel blogs = 10%
Business travelers = 10%
Airline industry travelers (incl. FA, flight crew, pilots etc.)
All other travelers = 70%
What etiquette do you speak of when the majority is overwhelmingly inexperienced in travel?
Dude.
The 70% of inexperienced travelers in the total population don’t travel and thus aren’t as likely to be onboard.
On an actual flight, the majority of onboard travelers are experienced travelers.
On heavy business routes the entire plane could be experienced travelers.
I saw a flight out of IAD with 150 seats and 147 passengers on the upgrade list.
Hotels are the same. At business hotels a majority of guests are Gold, Diamond etc. even though obviously the total population of rewards members has a small minority in the upper tiers.
Life is easy. I neither ask to switch or switch seats. I book a seat, and that's where i sit.
You may wish to know all airlines' contract of carriage state clearly that your seat is not in fact guaranteed
First and foremost ask for an even swap. Window for window, aisle for aisle, middle for middle. Ask politely. Don't fully expect a yes. Generally I will swap if it's a window. Sometimes it works out for both parties. I got rerouted this week and ended up in 3B. The woman in 3A was traveling with her husband who was in 4A. I asked the husband did he want to swap seats so he could be next to his wife and his was elated.
Good on you. I always offer proactively as well. That's part of the reason I am so graceful and was able to make equity partner (requires a persona that is highly likable)
I am also proactive about offering to give togetherness and receive a better (or same) seat.
Also if someone else has made the initial request that is not reasonable, but I see a way that if I move then everybody ends up happier.
Like you the only time I have requested to swap seats was when booking the aisle and window while traveling with a companion and end up with a stranger in the middle.
I have a agreed to swap seats with others who have requested it on many occasions as long as I'm not getting a middle seat. Sometimes I've regretted the decision.
There are a couple of issues you didn't touch on in...
Like you the only time I have requested to swap seats was when booking the aisle and window while traveling with a companion and end up with a stranger in the middle.
I have a agreed to swap seats with others who have requested it on many occasions as long as I'm not getting a middle seat. Sometimes I've regretted the decision.
There are a couple of issues you didn't touch on in your article as they aren't really applicable when you are flying in a premium cabin. When flying United economy my mileage plus credit card is tied to my seat for inflight purchases which makes ordering a snack or glass of wine more complicated and you have the risk of someone ordering stuff on your credit card. Second is the location of your carry on, you may have a request to move up several aisles but there isn't room in the bins to accommodate your luggage.
I've experienced both issues after agreeing to swap seats. Third world problems lol
Your 1st world problems inspired my excuse to politely decline a swap for which I'm not in favor. I wouldn't trust the airline/stranger pax to correctly bill an inflight sale (not that I'd hardly ever spend a cent inflight) ... I smell a nice little scam here, treating oneself to inflight catering on a poor fellow pax's dime (or $10 !).
There are entire cultures (like Taiwan) where people think they are entitled to swapping seats with you whenever it's convenient for them. If you refuse they will just treat you like you don't exist, constantly passing their meals between each other across you. One girl kept asking her father for her laptop, her DVD player, her iPad from across the aisle and literally play with each one for 5 minutes. This all happened while seat...
There are entire cultures (like Taiwan) where people think they are entitled to swapping seats with you whenever it's convenient for them. If you refuse they will just treat you like you don't exist, constantly passing their meals between each other across you. One girl kept asking her father for her laptop, her DVD player, her iPad from across the aisle and literally play with each one for 5 minutes. This all happened while seat selection was completely free.
That's also why I began to fly business class, except I then ran into a mom educating her 6 year old: "now this is a reverse-herringbone seat...and this is how you use a steak knife..."
WARNING - RACIST MISINFO
This is not an accurate description of "Taiwan" (Chinese) culture which is in fact very polite
That poster might be an agent of the separatist regime called the People's Republic of China, which broke away from the Republic of China (Taiwan) in 1949 and now falsely claims that Taiwan is the separatist.
Sorry derek, the island of Taiwan is in fact separatist. The PRC is the true and proper government of all of China which includes Taiwan. Chinese culture does vary across provinces but not on the dimension of politeness. The Chinese (which includes the Taiwanese) are uniformly polite.
Just ask those poor mainland pax on a CX flight when they incorrectly asked for a 'carpet' instead of a blanket, and were humiliated by (now former) CX flight attendants....
And this was obviously within very similar cultures and from a condescending business context....
I've flown China airlines, Eva, and starlux numerous times in all cabins and never experienced anything like this. The only issue I've had on any Taiwanese flight was a super stank Brit one row in front of me flying tpe bkk.
Sounds like you're stereotyping based on a single experience.
Sounds like a great mom!
People are so insane on this topic. I fly LGA-DTW a lot, it's barely over an hour, and there is often drama in first class about sitting with friends or family. It's an hour, watch a TV show, you'll be fine. And I know it's not always possible, but buy the seat you want. Many people don't want to switch, upgrades are scarce. Buy the seat you want.
Why are you flying LGA-DTW so much?
If you live in or near LGA you are a coastal elite and you look down upon middle America
Why are you spending 1 1/2 hours plus on this thread on a Friday. Isn't your time billed at like a million or so an hour?
Don't worry..... Your bill is in the mail !!
God I love you Arps, your ability to go from making reasonable comments about cultures to insane rambling about costal elites never cease to delight.
Because it's so glamorous.
If someone already in your seat asking you to swap to a same cabin = automatic no.
This is keyboard warrior shit. I've said yes to plenty of people who had already taken my seat and I'm equity partner (and they weren't)
Ask whatever you want, if someone says “no”, respect it and move on.
If you say no (literally only “no” to me), I’ll nod and smile at you and move on.
And you can bet your ass you and your children will never be hired at my firm for any position.
Our profit per equity partner is over $6MM a year.
Say no today. Be poor for life!
What a dick statement
Please do not feed the troll.
What would be the odds the person would ever apply at your firm? How do you track them, much less their children? Weren't you making $8MM per equity partner in recent posts? And, why do you continue with this charade?
'It's honestly more annoying than TD
At least with Tim there's some comedy in the delusion. This is just drivel.
Personally, that's what makes it funnier to me. It's a close call between the two but for me personally, Arps eeks out the insufferable commenter award. Plus he's gonna give me a job and I'll be a billionaire equity partner whereas I don't want a job at Tim's porta potty cleaning business.
Just sit in your assigned seat. Don't bother other passengers trying to improve your seat, not unless it is a need and not a want. Need meaning your three year old or blind grandmother will be stranded sitting by herself. You are indeed bothering people when you ask them to change seats just for your own preference or convenience.
But would you help the family ( retrieve their carryons ! ) in an evacuation / emergency after such engagement ???
The dilemmas of life !
@Aaron
Agreed as a bottom line. I probably won't swap an aisle/window for a middle, but depending on the flight length I might. Just don't take my seat beforehand and try to pull a fait accompli, I'm calling the FA for that crap. Meet courtesy with courtesy, and hostility with hostility.