Earlier I wrote about a bizarre situation on a SWISS flight, where two passengers decided to join the mile high club in the first class galley. That was bad enough, but what was even worse is that the pilots saw it happening in the cockpit, decided to film it, and then distributed video footage of it.
I found the comments section on the post to be quite interesting, and it made me realize that there might be some misconceptions about joining the mile high club, the risks, the frequency with which it happens, etc.
So let’s talk about that a bit in this post. Honestly, it brings me no joy to write about this, but I think it’s a useful topic to discuss. My opinion here is based primarily on what I’ve heard from several flight attendant friends, working for a variety of airlines across the globe.
What is the mile high club?
Okay, I suspect most OMAAT readers know what the mile high club is. So, ummm, maybe this is actually intended for my dad, who sent me the below message after my post earlier today.
The mile high club refers to having sex onboard an aircraft during a flight. It doesn’t matter at what altitude the plane is or where in the plane it happens. We can quibble over which exact acts constitute sex, but most people would agree that it has to include (at least) two people. Personally I choose to define this pretty loosely, so I’d consider any sort of sexual contact between people to qualify.
What’s the best way to join the mile high club?
Let me emphasize that I’m not endorsing the concept of joining the mile high club. I’m just acknowledging the reality that this happens frequently, and want to talk a bit about the lowest risk ways to do so, if you decide that it’s something you’re going to do.
I’m also not a believer in abstinence-only education, so I think the same thing applies here. People are going to do what they’re going to do, so let’s make it as low risk and unpleasant as possible for everyone involved.
I think there’s a common misconception that flight attendants love to bust people joining the mile high club. They don’t. At a minimum, it’s awkward for them, and at worst, it’s extra paperwork for them. So if you do join the mile high club, you’ll want to do so in a way where the crew isn’t forced to care.
Under no circumstance join the mile high club in any sort of a “public” area, and/or with any private parts in the open. In other words, maintain some level of plausible deniability, where you’re not directly putting yourself in a situation where other people are forced to see what you’re doing.
For example, the people who decided to join the mile high club in the galley of a SWISS 777 were being completely irresponsible, as anyone could’ve walked in on them at any moment, including a child. That’s a massive no-no, and puts others in a potentially uncomfortable situation.
If you’re going to join the mile high club, the best place to do so is in a lavatory, where you have some privacy. That’s especially true if you’re traveling in economy. Now, airplane lavatories are disgusting, and I can’t think of a less arousing place to get it on, but that’s the safest bet.
You’re also going to want to be strategic about which lavatory you use. Ideally you’ll want to be as far as possible from where flight attendant jump seats are, and in an area with multiple lavatories in one “cluster.” This is much easier on wide body jets than narrow body jets.
For example, Lufthansa’s “cargo hold” bathrooms on the A340-600 don’t have any flight attendant jump seats and there are several lavatories, so I’d say that’s probably the lowest risk place one could do that.
What about in first and business class? Well, the Emirates A380 shower suite is perhaps the world’s most famous airplane bathroom, and it even has a sign indicating that the maximum occupancy is two. The flight attendant manual explains that a second passenger is only allowed if the primary passenger requires assistance, though it isn’t defined beyond that, so…
How about at the seat? If you’re flying in Air France La Premiere, you have floor-to-ceiling curtains, and the crew isn’t just going to disturb you in the middle of the flight for no reason, assuming the seat belt sign doesn’t suddenly turn on.
Other premium cabin products with doors are riskier, of course, since the doors typically don’t extend all the way to the ceiling. Now, if there’s a double bed situation and bedding, then I suppose it’s hard to prove anything.
But the key is that you don’t want to do anything in the open, and you want plausible deniability.
How risky is it to join the mile high club?
If you do get caught joining the mile high club — or are suspect of trying to join the mile high club — what happens? It might not be as bad as you think, based on the crew members I’ve spoken to. Let me emphasize two points:
- You should absolutely assume that you could be punished for your actions, and plan accordingly
- You should consider the airline and route you’re flying; there’s a big difference between trying to join the mile high club on a Saudia flight from Riyadh to Jeddah, and trying to join the mile high club on a Ryanair flight from Ibiza to Dublin
If you find a way to privately join the mile high club, odds are that the worst that’s going to happen is that the crew tells you to knock it off. You absolutely don’t want to disobey crew instructions, so you should do what they say.
The point at which you’re really going to get yourself in trouble is if you’re doing something in public, like these idiots were in the SWISS 777 first class galley. At that point it’s possible (and even likely) that a report would be written, authorities would be called, etc.
I should also mention that since the start of the pandemic, we’ve increasingly seen some airlines use no-fly lists, which generally apply exclusively to passengers on that airline (these are separate from government no-fly lists). I suppose that if you’re suspected of joining the mile high club you may be put on one of those lists, so it’s at least a risk worth being aware of.
Bottom line
I recommend not joining the mile high club. But if you are going to join the mile high club, do so either in the lavatory, or in a place where you’re not in any way exposing yourself publicly. This minimizes the risk of getting caught, and at least gives you the ability to try to deny that something happened.
While it very much varies by airline and you should plan for the worst, you’d probably be surprised by how often the crew simply tells people to knock it off.
To both passengers and flight attendants, any thoughts or (PG) experiences to share regarding the mile high club?
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