Every so often you’ll see the mainstream media covering the topic of someone flying in first or business class, and leaving their spouse in economy (in these stories, usually it’s the husband in the premium cabin, and the wife in economy).
I wanted to address that topic in this post — I’ll share my take, and then I’m curious to hear how OMAAT readers feel. Note that I have a different take on the concept of flying in first or business class, and leaving your kids in economy.
In this post:
My recent flight with husbands in first class, wives in economy
I recently took a domestic American Airlines first class flight. About 15 minutes after takeoff, while the seatbelt sign was still on, a woman came up from economy and sat on her husband’s armrest, and started kissing him, rubbing his back, etc. She then returned to her economy seat a short while later.
About 15 minutes later, a separate wife and son came up to say hi to another dad in first class. Then toward the end of the flight, another woman came up to what I’d assume was her spouse (I couldn’t see whether there was a ring or not).
The whole thing left me scratching my head a bit, especially the woman who came up and was super affectionate to her husband while she was back in economy. Goodness, I’d be in the doghouse if I did that regularly. Of course let me state that I’m not judging any of those people — I just noticed the pattern, and find the overall topic to be interesting.
There are reasons spouses end up in different cabins
Let me acknowledge that there are a couple of perfectly legitimate reasons you might end up in first or business class, with your spouse in economy (or vice versa):
- Maybe you’re traveling for work and your business pays for a premium cabin seat, and then your spouse tags along, so you book them an economy seat
- Maybe you have elite status with an airline, and get an upgrade to a premium cabin, while the upgrade doesn’t clear for your spouse
My approach to traveling in a different cabin than a companion
I’m not applying my standards to others, but here’s my own approach:
- Personally I can’t think of any time that I’ve flown in a premium cabin, with my spouse or a family member in a lower cabin; I would just feel kind of bad the entire flight
- If traveling with a companion and if I knew I’d be in first or business class, I’d put extra effort to making sure I can get them a seat in that cabin as well
- I’m not opposed to the concept of taking turns (my spouse gets first class on one flight, and then I take it on the next flight), but that’s not usually how the situation materializes for me
- If I’m not convinced I can get both people in a premium cabin, I’d rather that both of us just sit in economy, because economy is a bit more tolerable if you’re at least next to someone you like
Again, that’s my own approach. but I’m not saying others should adhere to that. Now let me share what I’d consider to be the correct etiquette on this matter.
My advice on traveling in a different cabin than a spouse
In my opinion, there are two situations where I think it’s appropriate to consistently sit in a premium cabin and leave your spouse in economy. The first reason is a matter of space — if one spouse is way bigger than the other and simply can’t fit in an economy seat, then I think it’s fair enough that they fly in a premium cabin.
The other reason is if you’re traveling for work, and your company specifically pays for you to travel in first or business class to arrive well rested. In other words, if you’re flying from New York to London and have meetings when you land, and your company specifically paid for you to rest, then you should sit there. If your spouse tags along for a vacation, then I think that’s fair. The same isn’t true if it’s an evening Las Vegas to Los Angeles flight booked through work, and you’re going to spend the entire flight downing Woodford.
Beyond that, though, what do I consider to be the correct etiquette in order to be a decent person when only one person can be in a premium cabin?
I’d say the one approach I take issue with is the frequent traveler thinking that just because they got the upgrade means they should take it, and not give it to their spouse. That’s a total jerk move, if done consistently. “Oh, I travel a lot for work, so I deserve this.” Well, it sounds like you’re also away from home a lot then, leaving your spouse behind, so they probably deserve to share in those rewards.
With that in mind, I consider any of the following approaches to be fair:
- If the airline allows you to change cabins mid-flight (some airlines allow it one time), you could always each have half of the flight in first or business class, and half of the flight in economy
- Otherwise there’s nothing wrong with trading off, where you get the premium seat on one flight, and your spouse gets the premium seat on the next flight
- Or you can just spend some time with your spouse and sit next to them in economy, and make someone else happy, by allowing them to have the upgrade
- Or if you really want to score bonus points, just give away your premium seat to your spouse more often than not; odds are that if you’re the one getting a seat in a premium cabin (for whatever reason), then your spouse will also appreciate it more; maybe they’ll make it up to you in other ways!
Bottom line
Every so often there’s a story about someone traveling in first or business class and leaving their spouse behind in economy. I witnessed this from multiple people on a recent flight. There’s nothing wrong with it in isolation, but if it becomes a pattern, I think there’s a bigger issue.
I think the only situation where it’s fair for one person to consistently sit up front is if their work is paying for a premium seat with the expectation that they need to arrive well rested and hit the ground running. Ideally find a way to also get your spouse a premium seat if they tag along, but otherwise I think that’s a fair justification.
Other than that, I think it’s only reasonable to either split premium seating 50/50 (either on a particular flight or between flights), to offer your spouse the upgrade more often than not, or to sit together in economy.
If you just consistently think you deserve to sit in premium cabins while your spouse is in economy, well, to each their own, I guess…
Where do you stand on traveling in a different cabin than your spouse?
Regarding „ If the airline allows you to change cabins mid-flight (some airlines allow it one time)…“ I would be very interested in an article which airlines allow what kind of sharing.
I’ve had this issue several times primarily because of upgrades ( assuming the airline permits which they generally do) I always give my wife the upgrade ( I’m the flyer with status). This is generally on long international flights.
A certain husband and wife couple who are friends of the family have a bit of a weird habit: his line of work takes him travelling often, and he asks his wife to travel with him now that their kids have all moved out and she retired for that.
Work does not pay for their flight tickets: they do it themselves. But I, for the life of me, couldn't stand when my parents ran into...
A certain husband and wife couple who are friends of the family have a bit of a weird habit: his line of work takes him travelling often, and he asks his wife to travel with him now that their kids have all moved out and she retired for that.
Work does not pay for their flight tickets: they do it themselves. But I, for the life of me, couldn't stand when my parents ran into them once at FRA and she was looking for a seat while he sat in the Lufthansa business class lounge. It drove me batshit insane.
They both now collect miles, but he takes their miles, puts them together and gets himself business class tickets ON EVERY SINGLE FLIGHT while she sits in the back.
I really wanted to just tell her to just go home and stay home, where she can live with more dignity.
Be a gentleman !
On the flipside, i knew someone who booked business class with award miles for her, her husband and 2 kids but booked her own parents in economy on a long haul flight.
I recently got upgraded from LAX to JFK in Delta One Sleeper seats. I took it because my wife was literally a row behind in premium economy (but galley between us) and sitting with my teen daughter. I would have been across the aisle seated with a stranger in the 2-2-2 configuration. That said, I still feel funny about taking the upgrade. She said for a good week, "so did you sleep okay on the flight?"
I prefer to leave mine at home.
Why for crying out loud would anybody care what anybody else does. It's their business.
Prior to retirement, I was a chairman with USAIR. If I couldn't get both to clear the upgrade, my husband would take the upgrade as I am a very comfortable experienced flier... he is not. Most times, on international flights, I would use miles for his first class, but paid cash for my coach seat to get the miles.
Seems like all the make holier than thou responses have the same thread- the husband decides where the wife sits.
Where my wife sits is her decision.
I have some millionaire friends. Two of the are business partners and often fly together over the Atlantic, the other in first/business, the other always in economy. And on every flight the man in front cabin sends something to his partner. Stewardess arrives carrying e,g. two shrimps, and says: "With compliments of your friend, he thought you shoud try how, these $400 a piece, shrimps taste,"
For the defense of the stingy friend, his...
I have some millionaire friends. Two of the are business partners and often fly together over the Atlantic, the other in first/business, the other always in economy. And on every flight the man in front cabin sends something to his partner. Stewardess arrives carrying e,g. two shrimps, and says: "With compliments of your friend, he thought you shoud try how, these $400 a piece, shrimps taste,"
For the defense of the stingy friend, his wife always flies first, while he sits in economy on the same flight.
There is no difference whether you are talking about airplane seats or anything else in life. As long as the couple have had frank and open communication and reached a mutually agreeable decision, this is all that matters. I cannot imagine flying in C/F with my husband in Y, and vice-versa. However, I can imagine situations where the cost might encourage a trade-off (you take the free seat in F, but I want money for xxx instead).
No acceptable reason for this. Awful behaviour. Also notice how it's almost all women having to sit in economy. Gross.
Depends on the context.
Don't feel bad, you can leave Ford behind in economy.
There are many reasons couples fly in different classes, however it may be possible to purchase a day of departure upgrade. Worse are those who place their children in economy, often quite young, and expect others to keep an eye on them.
Mummy and daddy travelling with the kids and nanny. They are millionaires but too stingy. The kids are at boarding school, then during the holidays given to nanny. The parents get to...
There are many reasons couples fly in different classes, however it may be possible to purchase a day of departure upgrade. Worse are those who place their children in economy, often quite young, and expect others to keep an eye on them.
Mummy and daddy travelling with the kids and nanny. They are millionaires but too stingy. The kids are at boarding school, then during the holidays given to nanny. The parents get to see them for a couple of hours each week.
Technically if they are under 15 they have to be treated as unaccompanied minors on many carriers.
If you’re in a premium cabin, your partner has no right to visit you from economy. If you want to see them, then pay to travel in the same cabin or go back to economy.
Every family is different. Last couple of TATL trips our family has taken I've used award points for the family and purchased biz for me, treating it as a mileage run. When I asked my wife if she cared about sitting together , or cared about lie flat she said that if award seats were available and not crazy then yes, she would appreciate it, but if it was a purchase then absolutely not. She...
Every family is different. Last couple of TATL trips our family has taken I've used award points for the family and purchased biz for me, treating it as a mileage run. When I asked my wife if she cared about sitting together , or cared about lie flat she said that if award seats were available and not crazy then yes, she would appreciate it, but if it was a purchase then absolutely not. She said she'd prefer a nice piece of jewelry and so that he become our custom if there are no award seats in biz for her. So she doesn't really care.
But a couple of times my lounge pass said I could not bring a guest and she let it be known that neither of us was stepping foot in that lounge!
thanks and thank your wife! i am irritated with my husband for this situation but just realized I can go shopping and be just fine :)
Personally, I don't care what the reason is. It's not my business. It's not like someone is being injured or assaulted or needing urgent care. They may have a good reason and they may not but it's not for me to decide or gossip or care about. Imagine they have a good reason but you decided to stick your nose in. I would be exasperated to have to explain why I do what I do to anyone be it good or bad.
Spot on, it’s become the norm for media to gossip and slander with zero boundaries on topics that have nothing to do with them. Quarreling at minimum and it’s just normalized.
I get it, some families abusive stuff exists and it’s an interesting topic. But the way this is written to peer into others lives like you are the moral judge and making the call from your pathetic vantage point like you know it all is very piss poor.
First, yes. Business, no.
What about Premium Economy ?
I have about 1.2 MILLION miles flown with United Airlines. Many years as a 100K flyer. On vacation I would book the entire family of 5 in what was then economy. Very often United would come and upgrade me to 1st after boarding. I would rotate which family member got to sit up front, including the kids. I personally passed on it and gave it to a family member. My company paid for me to fly 1st class, so it was no big deal to me. But the family LOVED IT !
In 2015 I caused us to miss our midday flight in J (hers on miles, mine paid) JFK-SVO with SU. I was rebooked in J, she was rebooked in Y. I offered to switch, but she said no.
It is still brought up to this day.
Don't do this!
You see it all the time if a pair are travelling together - usually it’s a staff member and their beneficiary doesn’t get the upgrade - see you in ……….
The net - if not in same PNR then link it and decline the upgrade if both don't get it.
If the two are on the same PNR then they can decline the split. Otherwise if not on same PNR the top elite could get an upgrade automatically and the spouse not. There is no longer a way on line to decline the upgrade without going to an agent.
If a business trip - then the top elite could tell the travel office to book coach.
Once in an international flight the kids (multiple) kept...
If the two are on the same PNR then they can decline the split. Otherwise if not on same PNR the top elite could get an upgrade automatically and the spouse not. There is no longer a way on line to decline the upgrade without going to an agent.
If a business trip - then the top elite could tell the travel office to book coach.
Once in an international flight the kids (multiple) kept coming up to see their dad in J and stay up there for good while. The FA had to tell them to move back.
Was flying business internationally. In aisle, guy in window had wife and kids back in economy. Not even PE.
Anyway, one of the kids came up every few minutes and wanted to crawl over me to sit with dad. After the 4th time, I told him, no more. You want to visit with kids, go back there but no more coming up here.
He wasn't happy but no more visits.
Daughter and I were talking...
Was flying business internationally. In aisle, guy in window had wife and kids back in economy. Not even PE.
Anyway, one of the kids came up every few minutes and wanted to crawl over me to sit with dad. After the 4th time, I told him, no more. You want to visit with kids, go back there but no more coming up here.
He wasn't happy but no more visits.
Daughter and I were talking by phone while booking flight to Caribbean. She suddenly laughed and said, I got the last FC seat. Sure enough, I had to fly PE. The group we were with gave her hell for leaving me in PE while she had the luxury of FC . Told her I was docking her inheritance for that stunt.
When flying a shortish domestic flight on a US airline it is not as if the difference between economy and Business/First is like night 'n day, so it's not much of an issue really.
I agree applying one or other of the caveats Ben outlines here would keep the peace longterm.
Was it a Saudi carrier you were on?
My wife and I have been married for over 40 years and love each other very much. I am over a foot taller than her. She does not drink alcohol. I enjoy premium beverages. She says she meets more interesting people in economy, and does not like the stuffiness of the upper class cabin. I always offer to get her a seat with me, but she states she’d rather take the money for shopping.
My spouse has earned lots of perks, and I'm proud of her for that. She should enjoy them. I wouldn't take her hard-won "wins" knowing how much "stuff" she has to deal with every day just to do her job... and being spectacular at it, she gets the rewards.
Similarly, when I get a perk, she doesn't make me feel like I'm a loser for not sharing. She knows the value of it.
It's only...
My spouse has earned lots of perks, and I'm proud of her for that. She should enjoy them. I wouldn't take her hard-won "wins" knowing how much "stuff" she has to deal with every day just to do her job... and being spectacular at it, she gets the rewards.
Similarly, when I get a perk, she doesn't make me feel like I'm a loser for not sharing. She knows the value of it.
It's only the small-minded who don't earn anything on their own that covet what others have and want to have it. That's called envy.
I don't envy those of you who "feel guilty" enjoying the rewards of your hard work. For the advice to "just sit with her in economy and give away your seat" guru of travel I have to say... I don't own a travel website and don't collect many bucks. Why don't you send me your income from this quarter and go sit in the "i don't make any money" corner.
Money. Mouth. Do meet somewhere. No envy.
I’m a foot taller than my wife. She can curl up and sleep 8 hours in a coach seat while I’m in agony the entire time. She simply doesn’t care about being in first or business and would much rather I have a pleasant flight. I’m in a vastly better state physically and mentally when we arrive at our destination and can have a great vacation together. Marriage isn’t about following a set of rules...
I’m a foot taller than my wife. She can curl up and sleep 8 hours in a coach seat while I’m in agony the entire time. She simply doesn’t care about being in first or business and would much rather I have a pleasant flight. I’m in a vastly better state physically and mentally when we arrive at our destination and can have a great vacation together. Marriage isn’t about following a set of rules of chivalry… every couple should figure out what works for them and go with that.
I have sciatica and am in agony in coach. While we were younger, I would get the upgrade with her blessing. My company would pay for the updgrade, and if I didn't use it, it would be cheating on the expense account - as spouse expenses required very high level authorization.
Agree every couple should figure out what works with them. All this judgement is bs.
(Now that we are retired, we both are in...
I have sciatica and am in agony in coach. While we were younger, I would get the upgrade with her blessing. My company would pay for the updgrade, and if I didn't use it, it would be cheating on the expense account - as spouse expenses required very high level authorization.
Agree every couple should figure out what works with them. All this judgement is bs.
(Now that we are retired, we both are in the same cabin, usually up front - as she is no longer be comfortable in coach).
I'm so glad I'm not married so I don't have to deal with this crap.
Yep and when I want to go somewhere I just get up and go.
I would and have given away the seat to my wife since I'm the one who usually gets upgraded. That's a minor gesture. She does so much more for me and my family day to day. BTW, she usually refuses the upgrade and prefers to sit in coach with me and our child.
Ben, as always you seem to have a balanced approach to this silly conundrum. Personally, on any domestic flights, I always give my spouse the upgrade if we both don't get upgraded. I have status and she does not. As long as I have emergency exit row legroom space I'm good to go. I'm good for 5-6 hour flights. Internationally we always fly in Business together. IF I get the upgrade to First class, I...
Ben, as always you seem to have a balanced approach to this silly conundrum. Personally, on any domestic flights, I always give my spouse the upgrade if we both don't get upgraded. I have status and she does not. As long as I have emergency exit row legroom space I'm good to go. I'm good for 5-6 hour flights. Internationally we always fly in Business together. IF I get the upgrade to First class, I will take it. I'm 6'3" and she is 5'6". She is grateful for the lie flat business seat and never makes me feel bad for the extra space in F.
Wife and I traveled together often the last couple of years, we're normally 1st/2nd or 2nd/3rd on the upgrade list and we talk at the airport what we would do if only one of us gets the upgrade. This situation has come up over 10x over the past couple years. We've passed on the upgrades all together so we sit together in Y, but we've also rotated on the upgrades. There's even been times my...
Wife and I traveled together often the last couple of years, we're normally 1st/2nd or 2nd/3rd on the upgrade list and we talk at the airport what we would do if only one of us gets the upgrade. This situation has come up over 10x over the past couple years. We've passed on the upgrades all together so we sit together in Y, but we've also rotated on the upgrades. There's even been times my wife insists that I take the upgraded seat when its her turn to take the upgrade so it's really just a mix but as long as the parties are on the same page, that's what ultimately matters at the end of the day. I've never had a situation where we'd book flights in two separate classes though, I couldn't imagine doing that.
We have a family of 3. I have EXP on AA and my wife Platinum. I always book my kid and I on a single itinerary and my wife on a separate one so we are all on the upgrade list. On a couple occasions my kid and I got the upgrade and wife didn't. I give her the option of sitting in first with kid or in economy solo. No real losers here IMO esp since economy seat is typically MCE.
We've done it a small handful of times when traveling on separate bookings and one upgrade cleared (we traded off back in the day, though now we share Lucky's view that it's usually better to just sit together in Y), or when I thought I had a fighting shot at an upgrade by myself but not with p2 so I booked her directly into F (and then I failed to clear). And once when we...
We've done it a small handful of times when traveling on separate bookings and one upgrade cleared (we traded off back in the day, though now we share Lucky's view that it's usually better to just sit together in Y), or when I thought I had a fighting shot at an upgrade by myself but not with p2 so I booked her directly into F (and then I failed to clear). And once when we were numbers 1 and 2 for 2 seats, a GA split our reservation without authorization so she could clear her friend into one of the open seats.
When our kids were younger and upgrades were cheaper, we would give the kids a choice upgrade one way or you can have the money to spend as you wish. They took the $$$. My wife and I would take turns flying first and the other one would be in coach with the kids.
For me it is upon the couple, how they want it. If they are fine with being split, then be it.
But in any case - no visits of economy class passengers in first/business. I mean no way. If you want to meet feel free to go to economy, but dont bring your family ot friends to F/C cabin. That bothers the rest and it is kind of embarassing
LOL ! years ago...my husband and I both had Elite status on CO. His status higher than mine. We were flying TPA-EWR to see his folks. (who adored me btw) His UPG cleared...mine not so much and worse ! I was seated in like 25B a middle. He accepted the UPG, and when I tell you that the 45 minute drive from EWR to his parents house was glacial..OH yeah ! when his mom was told this story, she called CO and booked be a cash F Class seat home. Ahh the family lore !
If I were with my husband, I'd give him the better seat since he's 6'3" tall, but I'd tell him I'd take the next one! If we were with our kids, we'd probably give it to our 25-year-old, since she just finished treatment for breast cancer.
Typically if your company can pay for business class flights then you'll earn enough to buy an extra ticket.
It depends. Some couples could care less. Others would create a real problem in the relationship. I guess know your spouse.
When my husband still traveled extensively for work, it wasn't unusual for him to occasionally get upgraded on our personal flights, since we'd generally fly off-peak. As these flights were only between 2-3 hours long inside the US, we generally accepted the upgrade. It's not like on flights that short it made a huge difference, especially since we usually booked Economy+ style seating to begin with. So there was decent leg room, and I would...
When my husband still traveled extensively for work, it wasn't unusual for him to occasionally get upgraded on our personal flights, since we'd generally fly off-peak. As these flights were only between 2-3 hours long inside the US, we generally accepted the upgrade. It's not like on flights that short it made a huge difference, especially since we usually booked Economy+ style seating to begin with. So there was decent leg room, and I would still be decently comfortable.
I had no problems letting him have it - the amount he flew, I felt he'd earned it. Because I flew a few times a year, where he flew every other week, and sometimes in really crappy little planes. Also, I honestly didn't mind - I generally would have had my desired aisle, I usually just read a book or watch a movie anyway, and I don't generally drink booze on short flights. He'd just make sure to get me some extra snacks from the FC basket for me, and he would also take the one rolling carry-on we usually had, so I just had my under-seat bag, making my flight experience low-effort. (And I'd have snacks in the rental car!)
Sometimes, though, he'd insist I take the FC seat - if he was just planning on napping against his window seat (we never spoke over the person in the middle seat) he thought it would be more fun for me up front. Or if it wasn't a full flight, we'd see if there was an upgrade I could pay for to join him. I would say during the times when this happened, it was pretty evenly split between the three modes of travel.
Bottom line, we recognized that the upgrade came from his status, and treated it accordingly. We don't have kids, we're both used to traveling solo, and we thought it was stupid to not accept an upgrade if it was offered.
Now, if it was a longer flight, I'm pretty sure we probably would have turned it down. But that never came up!
As Ben alludes to and others have mentioned, there is clearly not a one-size-fits-all answer here. There are at least 6 or 7 factors at play that could tip the scales either way. In our family (in which I'm the frequent flyer), when flying domestic or transborder, my wife would rather sit beside me in Y than by herself in F, so we stay together, full stop. Internationally, the entire raison d'etre of the points...
As Ben alludes to and others have mentioned, there is clearly not a one-size-fits-all answer here. There are at least 6 or 7 factors at play that could tip the scales either way. In our family (in which I'm the frequent flyer), when flying domestic or transborder, my wife would rather sit beside me in Y than by herself in F, so we stay together, full stop. Internationally, the entire raison d'etre of the points game is never to fly long haul in Y in the first place! YMMV.
I would lodge a complaint if people are coming through and sitting on arm rests etc, family or not. Stop the extra foot traffic like stop economy class people using the front toilets. You're paying more for less foot traffic.
If I'm on a business trip and my wife tags along, I usually purchase her the same class of seat so that we are not separated. However, way back in the past, I once got an upgrade to (domestic) first class while my wife was still in economy. I gave her my seat and sat in economy - it was her first time in first class, so I thought that it would be a treat...
If I'm on a business trip and my wife tags along, I usually purchase her the same class of seat so that we are not separated. However, way back in the past, I once got an upgrade to (domestic) first class while my wife was still in economy. I gave her my seat and sat in economy - it was her first time in first class, so I thought that it would be a treat for her. Half way through the flight, one of the cabin crew brought me a free drink and a ice cream sundae desert because they thought that it was sweet that I let my wife sit in first while I took the economy seat. I suspect that this wouldn't happen today!
Years ago before I started flying biz on points, we had booked premium economy seats LA to London. I was desperately trying to find an upgrade since I have a bad back and it’s hard to sit that long. At the airport counter my husband asked if there were any business class seats available and the counter agent said there is one fir $700. He whipped out that credit card so fast and said she’ll...
Years ago before I started flying biz on points, we had booked premium economy seats LA to London. I was desperately trying to find an upgrade since I have a bad back and it’s hard to sit that long. At the airport counter my husband asked if there were any business class seats available and the counter agent said there is one fir $700. He whipped out that credit card so fast and said she’ll take it. So he kept his premium economy seat, and I enjoyed the lie flat. As he said his back was fine so he would be fine. And he was.
YES. At the least make a decision and stick to it. Don’t start switching seats inflight and having inflight visits like a bunch of j@$;@@fs.
There is no way I would ever sit in the front and have my spouse in the back. Not because I am concerned about getting divorce papers but because it’s the right thing to do.
No problem that this is your approach but when you say "it's the right thing to do" that extrapolates to some objective answer. Why is it the right thing to do? Is this because of gender dynamics / chivalry? Work vs. home commitment?
My partner and I are both men, both travel about the same, are both executives that work long hours, etc. I don't see how one of us giving the other our...
No problem that this is your approach but when you say "it's the right thing to do" that extrapolates to some objective answer. Why is it the right thing to do? Is this because of gender dynamics / chivalry? Work vs. home commitment?
My partner and I are both men, both travel about the same, are both executives that work long hours, etc. I don't see how one of us giving the other our upgrade would be the objective "right thing to do". We book our travel together of course, but if one gets the upgrade, they keep it. Not sure why that's "wrong" in your book.
What an embarrassing situation, I would definitely never fly first if my wife and kid are in economy. what kind of man does that ??
I had a friend tag along on a trip once. I booked first, they booked economy. I smiled and held up my cocktail as they walked past to their seat with the other people of cattle class. They said I was nuts for paying extra, but they're also thin and short (I'm neither), so even the smallest economy seat isn't terrible.
That said, I've flown on trips with a family member, and have some booked...
I had a friend tag along on a trip once. I booked first, they booked economy. I smiled and held up my cocktail as they walked past to their seat with the other people of cattle class. They said I was nuts for paying extra, but they're also thin and short (I'm neither), so even the smallest economy seat isn't terrible.
That said, I've flown on trips with a family member, and have some booked for the coming year. If I've booked first, I've booked it for them too. It wouldn't feel right to split up when I'm the one booking and paying for the trip. I have seen couples split before, but the upgraded person tends to offer the better seat to their partner/spouse. The one guy who kept his upgrade and sent his significant other down back did at least have his lunch sent back to her...
I've overheard AA flight attendants voice displeasure over a person who legitimately got an upgrade relinquishing the seat to a spouse/partner. As if it's against some kind of policy.
For good or bad, it is against quite a few airlines' policies, if the spouse isn't next on the upgrade list.
but why is this the flight attendant's concern?
Our rule is that if you get it you take it. We both have traveled a lot for work and it we have had non-congruent status at times. He who earns the upgrade takes it.
Till F do us part..
Also - "turning down" an upgrade isn't all that simple - By the time you are given an upgrade, the seat next to your spouse may have already been given away to a standby passenger, basic economy passenger, whatever.
This is true. In days past they I remember being called up to the podium before boarding and given the situation - "hey, we only have one upgrade seat available - would one of you like it, or do you want to keep your original seats together?" Nowadays it seems to be completely automated and you find out after the whole thing has processed.
I’m not married but occasionally a friend or family member wants to tag along on one of my business trips to Europe and i cash in miles to put them in business class with me. I have the miles, it seems like the right thing to do.
@Donna That might gave been true in the past but with the very few seats available for points these days there is often very little availability. CX, for example, only used to offer one F seat. So in one direction I would fly F and spouse J. Return or next trip the opposite. These days most flights have little or no availability in any premium cabins.
@Azamaraal - it works for me, I travel year round, internationally, book months in advance, not all peak season, and I am sitting on 800k AA miles currently. I’m paying more miles for those flights, but I don’t use the miles for myself given the amount of paid business travel I do.
My husband was working 13 hour days in an incredibly stressful job. He’s also 300lb. We flew in business class while two preschool kids and 5 staff flew in economy to Hawaii. This wouldn’t have worked with 9 buisness class fares.
5 staff!! LoL
You’d think they would’ve chartered their own plane. More staff.
LOL!
OK I'm intrigued by the very obvious gender-specific aspect of so many comments. The person traveling on business is the male while the accompany spouse is the female. Does that mean women never travel on business and have their husbands travel with them???
No. That happens all the time, but nobody gets their knickers in a knot about it because girl-power and everything. Only a problem if the guy is up front and his female partner is in the back. Multiple times my wife and I have been booked in first class, but due to delayed flights and the follow-on missed connections, one of us has to sit in the back. I've taken the economy seat every time--not looking for pity or a medal, just the way it works in our family.
LOL, it's amazing the amount of subjectivity-spoken-as-fact, combined with utter projection, in this thread.
This post reminded me of a time many years ago when my manager and I were traveling on the same flight (but for different business trips). I got an upgrade but he didn't. I put some effort into talking to agents and cabin crew to see if he could get upgraded but no luck.
Ben - I think there are some basic logistics that you haven't gone into enough. I fly a lot for work, and my wife sometimes tags along. When you fly for work, you typically book through Concur, Amex Travel, etc, and your status and such applies. If you spouse wants to come on that trip, he/she typically needs to buy a separate ticket, and you can't link these tickets into on PNR - so the...
Ben - I think there are some basic logistics that you haven't gone into enough. I fly a lot for work, and my wife sometimes tags along. When you fly for work, you typically book through Concur, Amex Travel, etc, and your status and such applies. If you spouse wants to come on that trip, he/she typically needs to buy a separate ticket, and you can't link these tickets into on PNR - so the spouse will need to rely on their status alone. Here is what is generally happening in this situation:
1) At booking, the business traveler and spouse are likely both starting in economy. In a lot of situations, Paid F may be seen as a waste for either the business traveler or spouse, especially for a flight that is a couple of hours.
2) Business traveler gets upgraded to F, spouse misses upgrade or doesn't have status
3) Switching seats before flight may seem cumbersome, switching during flight may not seem practical, you may think it is against the rules, etc.
I remember getting upgraded on United when I was Silver, one of only 2x that year; and had to give it up as I was travelling with wife and two kids. Another time I saw a wife with two young children in economy across from me (had 3 seats to myself); her husband was (I thought) by himself in first. Couldn't believe it, was sure he was going to offer his 1st class to me...
I remember getting upgraded on United when I was Silver, one of only 2x that year; and had to give it up as I was travelling with wife and two kids. Another time I saw a wife with two young children in economy across from me (had 3 seats to myself); her husband was (I thought) by himself in first. Couldn't believe it, was sure he was going to offer his 1st class to me to have the whole row to himself and family. Leaving the plane I realized he spent all that time up in 1st class with a newborn.
Personally, I wouldn't do this even if I were flying J on a client's/my firm's dime and my wife was tagging along. I would just buy her a J seat. (In reality, we've never "tagged along" on each other's work trips, so this is purely hypothetical.)
Does it really matter? As long as no one is repeatedly intruding on/crowding the other cabin, the issue should be entirely up to the couple, who may take any number of different approaches for just as many reasons. I don't think any outsider has a valid basis for judgment.
Yes. I’m in this camp. Decide who will take the seat and stick to it . Don’t go back and forth the entire flight changing cabins. A one time 2 minute visit into first class visiting or greeting is reasonable.
100% agree. Whatever the approach is purely up to the couple and how they want to manage their relationship - it really doesn't matter to anyone else unless the other person constantly comes up to the cabin and crowds other people or service flow.
My partner and I both travel frequently for work so we both have status. If one gets upgraded, they keep the upgrade - neither of us minds being in economy while...
100% agree. Whatever the approach is purely up to the couple and how they want to manage their relationship - it really doesn't matter to anyone else unless the other person constantly comes up to the cabin and crowds other people or service flow.
My partner and I both travel frequently for work so we both have status. If one gets upgraded, they keep the upgrade - neither of us minds being in economy while the other is in First. We typically don't talk much during a flight anyway.
For vacation we obviously book together but again, I'm not going to ask him to forego an upgrade just to sit together (and vice versa). But whatever other couples do is their prerogative and business and not mine.
Here’s a plot twist response. How about flying on different flights so that you both enjoy a flat J bed? We’ve often overcome single award availability situations on transatlantic and intra-Asia flights by flying on separate flights. Sometimes on different airlines on the same day, others a day apart as I get more vacation time from my employer. Do others on here do that sometimes? On a 7+ hour flight often our preference is comfort...
Here’s a plot twist response. How about flying on different flights so that you both enjoy a flat J bed? We’ve often overcome single award availability situations on transatlantic and intra-Asia flights by flying on separate flights. Sometimes on different airlines on the same day, others a day apart as I get more vacation time from my employer. Do others on here do that sometimes? On a 7+ hour flight often our preference is comfort over being together. Most of our time on board is spent watching movies or sleeping anyway.
I am planning this exact strategy for next year coming home from Asia. 2 award seats were impossible to find, so my wife will fly back one day and I will follow the next day.
Absolutely! My husband and I did this several times on Cathay Pacific flights so that we could both fly in F (always frustrating when the cabin goes out half full and they never opened up additional F seats…). This was usually ex-HKG. One of us would just enjoy an extra day in Hong Kong! (But it was always nice when we were together in F and could dine at the same seat.)
For the most part doesn’t everyone really kinda do their own thing during the flight (read, movie, sleep, work, etc). Do you really need to be next to each other? And if you are going to chat the entire flight then please go be in separate cabins. Idk why people having conversations on the plane is so bothering to me
Oh goodness, yes! A quick question here and there is fine but, the constant conversation is so annoying.
When your company is paying for F or J as you are going from the plane to the office and your spouse is tagging along would this seem okay.
Flying different cabins especially with family or your partner is a big no-go. I’ve seen it as well, kids in economy, parents in first. Why would you do this as parents? a family like that is broken.
LOL!
A family that can't spend a few hours less than 100 feet away from each other would appear to be more broken, co-dependent, and toxic.
Amen Chris!!!
yeah, that's all great unless/until something goes wrong.....
How's that any different than something "going wrong" when the parents are in a separate room in the house from the kids? They're literally just a few metres apart at all times.
Just don't come to "visit" from economy up to business/first - not OK. But visiting from business/first down to economy is OK.
Yes, this. On the flight that Ben describes, the problem isn't that couples are seated in different classes (that's their business) but rather the constant visits from economy that would be disruptive to everyone else.
I would argue that neither is OK, and passengers should stay within their ticketed cabin. It's cramped enough in economy without people loitering around "visiting" from business.
Just to take the reverse approach, if my spouse was upgraded and I wasn't, I would beg him to just take the seat and be more comfortable. I'd rather only one of us being miserable rather than 2.
One thing that hasn’t been addressed: height! My husband is extremely tall and I would always give him the better seat if it’s a short flight. It’s only fair. We’ve discussed this situation on long haul, and as soft product means way more to me than to him, I would be there for service then switch with him for rest.
Yes, this is the issue for my husband and I. He's 6'3" and really struggles on long haul flights without at least an economy plus seat. So far we haven't had to split up but I'd be fine with it if one day we do. He'll just make sure that I get an extra massage or two at the resort wherever we're going ;)
I'm a 6'3" husband and my wife not only insists that I take my upgrades when they clear and hers do not, but also gives me her upgraded seats if she clears and I don't. She's 5'4" and has plenty of room for her legs in economy and usually scores an "upgrade" to comfort+ on Delta, so she gets the free drinks, premium snacks, etc.
Not all of us are married to someone our own size...if my wife was 6'3" I think we'd follow more of Ben's guidelines.
@ ME;
Great you do that. Regarding that Soft Product-issue, don't know with US Carriers but that won't work with many if any European Carrier.
Ben, I'm TOTALLY with your approach!
Let me tell you that I have seen the same, several times on Longhauls, mostly between Southern Europe and Latin America. I won't enter into details of nationalities. But I find that D i s g u s t i n g at least! On the other hand I have never ever seen the opposite, the lady in Business and the man in Economy. That's just a no-go...
Ben, I'm TOTALLY with your approach!
Let me tell you that I have seen the same, several times on Longhauls, mostly between Southern Europe and Latin America. I won't enter into details of nationalities. But I find that D i s g u s t i n g at least! On the other hand I have never ever seen the opposite, the lady in Business and the man in Economy. That's just a no-go for me.
Once, years ago, I have had the same situation. I have Corporate fares with that Carrier and the contract mentions "Upgrade if space available."
I was travelling with my Girlfriend (not yet my wife). At Check In, bad luck, only one seat was available in Business... Well I put my Girlfriend on it and I sat in Economy for 10 hrs and I was feeling very well with that.
"Maybe you’re traveling for work and your business pays for a premium cabin seat, and then your spouse tags along, so you book them an economy seat"
Well, in that situation I would buy her a same Class ticket or switch with her the seat if you can't afford it.
In my opinion, there's something wrong with you if you travel Premium and your wife gets Economy.
Maybe that's just me...
If it's the wife-spouse in first class and the husband-spouse is in business or coach, it's absolutely fine. It's especially fine if the wife-spouse is in the ONE Air France La Premiere award seat and the husband-spouse is in J or Y.
Pretty much on all the times where I've been in a different cabin compared to my spouse/in-laws/parents.
I've always just given up my higher class seat and switched with them, all it needs is letter the crew know beforehand.
In fact, multiple occassions I've tried to pay for in laws to fly in business or first with us and they've just refused for us to pay, so they then book economy and both...
Pretty much on all the times where I've been in a different cabin compared to my spouse/in-laws/parents.
I've always just given up my higher class seat and switched with them, all it needs is letter the crew know beforehand.
In fact, multiple occassions I've tried to pay for in laws to fly in business or first with us and they've just refused for us to pay, so they then book economy and both my partner and I just switch with them so they can fly nicer whilst we're in the back
This seems odd to me. If they refuse to let you pay for business, then they should refuse to swap seats too, surely? Otherwise, they're effectively forcing you and your spouse to fly economy?
Pretty much, but then it only happens once every couple years...so rather be "nice" than try and make it difficult.
I have this come up often. I’m a family of 4 and often split reservations on AA so at least two people upgraded (I’m EP). I tend to have my wife and one daughter take the upgrade and my other daughter and I will sit in economy. Only times I ever take the upgrade myself is if I have meaningful work to do and am not in MCE in economy. I just cant do work on a computer in regular economy. So that’s my deal with upgrades.
If I were sitting in the pointy end of the plane, and my spouse were sitting in steerage - assuming there wasn't some kind of IROP or other bizarre situation involved - I would expect to be served divorce papers in the jetway.
'The same isn’t true if it’s an evening Las Vegas to Los Angeles flight booked through work, and you’re going to spend the entire flight downing Woodford.'
I can't disagree more. If your work is paying for you to fly business and you give the ticket to someone else, that would surely make it a taxable benefit and I wouldn't even want to deal with calculating that.
Sorry, this was meant to be a comment on its own, not a reply to you and this site doesn't let you delete comments...
And the IRS would come to know of this how?
Flying auditors. It's the IRS' equivalent to the federal air marshal program.
So tax cheating is fine, as long as your spouse is the beneficiary?