Ah, the joys of air travel. This isn’t nearly as exciting as the passenger that pissed off the flight attendants last month (literally), but nonetheless I think it’s worth sharing. I was on the late United redeye last night from Los Angeles to Washington, which was an A320. The first thing worth noting is that there were two empty seats in first class. How the hell does that happen on a Sunday night redeye for a plane with only 12 first class seats?
Anyway, I’m seated in 2B and I’m one of the lucky people with an empty seat next to me. Seated behind me in 3B is a passenger that sleeps virtually the whole flight, and then there’s 3A. As the purser comes by and offers her a pre-departure beverage, she mumbles some words that sound an awful lot like a nursery time. I was tired and thought I was just hearing stuff in my head, so I didn’t think much of it.
Fast forward to shortly after takeoff. I recline my seat wanting to sleep, but she has to use the lavatory. She tries to finagle her way out, but that’s not simple when you’re in a window seat and the seat in front is reclined. Fair enough. After a few minutes she’s back in 3A, and I recline my seat again. This time around she puts on headphones and starts listening to her iPod. Oh, sorry, did I say listening? I meant performing. She closes her eyes and starts singing (relatively quietly, but still), and goes through all the motions of the drummer. At this point the purser and I exchange glances, thinking this lady is a bit crazy.
10 minutes later she needs to get up again. Yep, that means I bring my seat back up. This time around she decides to take 1B, the empty seat, since it’s an aisle seat. The purser says that she needs to take her assigned seat, and a short argument results, ending in her flicking off the purser and calling him a “jackass.” He took it in stride (he realized she was plastered at this point).
I couldn’t really sleep since this lady was “performing,” so I talked to the purser for a while, who I’ve actually flown with before. After about 15 minutes our conversation is once again interrupted by this lady. She has to use the lavatory yet again. She returns to her seat and continues “performing.” Keep in mind that each time she does this her seatmate in the aisle is disturbed.
Another 15 minutes later she comes into the galley and asks the purser for a glass of water. He obliges. No, she doesn’t take the water back to her seat, she drinks it right there. She asks for a refill, which she once again consumes right there. And again. And again. And again. Yes, she consumes five glasses of water in the galley, and then starts chatting up the purser, who she just called a jackass and flicked off minutes earlier. At this point I tell them “I’m going to try and get some sleep,” since I didn’t want to put him in an odd situation.
Anyway, when she got back to her seat she had a snack and passed out for the rest of the flight.
I don’t even want to guess how much she had to drink before she boarded this flight….