I Stayed At The Burj Al Arab Dubai, And I’m Speechless

I Stayed At The Burj Al Arab Dubai, And I’m Speechless

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The Burj Al Arab is arguably one of the most iconic hotels in the world. Often referred to as a “7-star hotel” (which isn’t a thing), the hotel is one of the most over-the-top things in Dubai, a city known for excess. The hotel is so “exclusive” that it’s on a manmade island with a gate, and you can only enter if you’re a guest, or otherwise have a reservation at the hotel (either for a tour, or for one of the very expensive dining outlets).

After visiting Dubai dozens of times over the past 15 years, I figured it’s finally time to spend a night at the Burj Al Arab. Now, to be fair, I’ve splurged on afternoon tea at the hotel a few times, and it’s an experience. However, nothing — and I really mean nothing — could prepare me for the experience of staying at this hotel. For what it’s worth, I paid around $1,400 for the night, and I booked through Virtuoso, which came with some additional amenities, including a complimentary massage for two, which adds quite a bit of value on a one night stay.

Let me be totally honest — prior to my stay, I was expecting that the experience would be totally style over substance, and that I’d be entertained by the ridiculousness of the hotel, but would conclude that people should steer clear of this hotel.

I was expecting that this would be a luxury factory, and that there wouldn’t actually be any redeeming qualities to the experience for those who appreciate great service. While the hotel is in some regards a total luxury factory, I have to say that I oddly loved my stay, and it might just be my most memorable hotel stay ever. While I’ll have a full review soon, below are my brutally honest initial takeaways from my 24 hours at the Burj Al Arab. Let’s start with the bad, and move toward the good.

Rooms at the Burj Al Arab are massive and hideous

While rooms at the Burj Al Arab are very expensive, we have to give the hotel credit for the generous room sizes. Entry level rooms at the hotel are 170 square meters (over 1,800 square feet), and are duplex suites. The base rooms here would be considered presidential suites at other hotels.

While the suites are massive, OMG they’re hideous. I mean, the interior of Trump’s Boeing 757 looks understated compared to these rooms. How weird to go from the hotel’s amazing pools and beach club to this interior, where you feel like you’re in some kind of a royal prison, or something. The purple, the polka dots, it’s just a lot to take in… I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves.

Burl Al Arab Dubai suite entryway
Burl Al Arab Dubai suite living room
Burl Al Arab Dubai suite living room
Burl Al Arab Dubai suite bedroom
Burl Al Arab Dubai suite bathroom

The odd high-low approach that the hotel takes with room design is so weird as well. Like, the toilet paper holder is made of gold, but you have a phone and safe straight from 2003…

Burl Al Arab Dubai suite phone

Guests at the Burj Al Arab are the most entertaining thing ever

Okay, this sounds like a negative, but it’s kind of a positive, depending on how you look at it. The Burj Al Arab is probably Dubai’s most famous attraction. Dubai is a city full of people looking to show off, and there’s nowhere that happens more than at the Burj Al Arab.

The hotel is basically full of zombies just taking pictures and videos all day. No one actually seems to be looking at anything directly, but rather they’re exclusively looking at things through their phone camera.

As we were being escorted to our room, one of the recommendations from the friendly associate was “you can have a gold cappuccino in the lobby lounge, it’s very popular for Instagram” (and yes, we ended up having one, because for 24 hours I just pretended that the conversion rate to the Dirham was different, which you really have to do if staying here… however, I won’t be posting it to Instagram).

Burj Al Arab “gold” cappuccino

But honestly, nothing I say can do justice to how the guests at this hotel were acting. I’d say about half of the guests seemed to be there exclusively in order to create social media content. Normally this would be horrifying in the context of a luxury hotel, but I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life.

I spent 90 minutes at breakfast enjoying the view and working on my laptop, and the people at the tables on both sides of us were doing photoshoots nonstop. Everything about it was beyond hilarious. They then went to the pool, and started to do a catwalk-style walk. It was just amazing. And it wasn’t just these ladies, it was basically everyone.

Let me once again emphasize that this is the furthest thing from your typical luxury experience, but for 24 hours I honestly felt like I was transported to a different planet that’s much funnier than the one I usually call home.

It’s also interesting to note how different the guest profile was from all the other properties I’ve stayed at in the past few years. We didn’t overhear anyone else with an American accent, and I’d say 90%+ of the guests were either Chinese or Russian.

Burj Al Arab breakfast and a show

The Burj Al Arab is kind of stunning, in a gaudy way

While I think the rooms at the hotel couldn’t be uglier, there’s no denying that the hotel is an icon, and being able to actually stay here, and access all parts of the hotel is a fun experience.

Burj Al Arab exterior

The lobby is legitimately stunning and mesmerizing…

Burj Al Arab atrium
Burj Al Arab atrium

As is the indoor pool…

Burj Al Arab indoor pool

And then there are other parts of the hotel that you can’t help but appreciate for just how gaudy they are. Would I want my home to look like this? No. Would I want to stay in a hotel like this for a week? No. Is it kind of awesome to see for one night? Absolutely!

Burj Al Arab lobby
Burj Al Arab lobby
Burj Al Arab lobby

The Burj Al Arab has exceptional service

While one of the main reasons to stay at the Burj Al Arab is for the extravagance and entertainment, what positively delighted me was the level of service. Even though this hotel is a luxury factory in terms of the number of guests and behavior, service couldn’t have been better across the board. This hotel has an almost uncomfortably high staffing level, yet every single employee we interacted with was delightful.

Despite this feeling like a “factory,” every employee managed to make us feel like we were the only guests there. This is true not only in terms of how polished they were, but also in terms of the interest they showed in guests, and the personality they had.

For example, at breakfast they’d keep asking if we wanted more coffee, if we wanted some dessert, etc. At the pool, they’d constantly refill our waters, offer to clean our sunglasses, and pass around complimentary treats. And they’d always introduce themselves by name, ask how our stay was going, ask if we had any plans for the day, etc.

We had dinner at the Burj Al Arab’s iconic fish tank restaurant (Ristorante L’ Olivo at Al Mahara), and service was honestly on par with some Michelin-starred restaurants we’ve been to. Again, I was expecting service wouldn’t be great because the hotel doesn’t have to try, but that’s not the case.

Burj Al Arab Al Mahara Restaurant

So there’s not just style at the hotel, but also substance to the experience.

The Burj Al Arab has some amazing leisure facilities

Interior of the rooms aside, the hotel has some really phenomenal facilities for a beach-style holiday. For one, the Burj Al Arab has an incredible pool deck with two huge pools. This is the best pool setup I’ve ever seen in Dubai, so if you’re looking for some sun and to lounge by the pool, the Burj Al Arab is hard to beat.

Burj Al Arab pool
Burj Al Arab pool
Burj Al Arab pool

Furthermore, guests get access to a beach club that felt surprisingly chic, and where you could easily enjoy your day on the beach, swimming in the pool, and having delicious food and drinks.

Burj Al Arab beach club
Burj Al Arab beach club

The Burj Al Arab has some generous amenities

Another thing that impressed me about the hotel is how many unadvertised “freebies” are included with the stay. Of course the hotel isn’t cheap, but they surprised me in several ways I wasn’t expecting. For example, in addition to offering large Hermes toiletries, the hotel also offers a variety of other Hermes products that are intended to be taken home.

Burj Al Arab Hermes products

Furthermore, in the evenings the hotel brings guests canapés (with caviar, naturally), and also has a complimentary happy hour where you can have alcoholic drinks delivered to your room (including wine and liquor).

Burj Al Arab canapés
Burj Al Arab happy hour

Admittedly you’re paying a pretty penny to stay here, but at least the hotel isn’t cheap with guests, as you’ll find at many other properties.

Bottom line

The Burj Al Arab is absolutely ridiculous. The rooms are hideous. It’s the furthest thing from bespoke luxury.

Yet beneath the superficial exterior, I actually kind of loved our stay at the hotel. From the massive suites, to the truly polished and genuine service, to the ability to stay in this (tacky) icon of a hotel, it was one of the most interesting hotel stays of my life.

Don’t stay here if you want your typical luxury hotel experience. Do stay here if you want to experience a hotel that’s so quintessentially what people stereotype Dubai as being. This hotel is so over-the-top, but fortunately there’s some substance to it as well. The service at the hotel is amazing, there are all kinds of “freebies,” the pool and beach club are actually top notch, and getting to spend a night at the Burj is such a treat.

I wouldn’t want to spend a week here, but if you’re into luxury hotels and can swing it, I’d absolutely recommend spending up to a few nights here. There will be no shortage of entertainment, that’s for sure.

What’s your take on the Burj Al Arab?

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  1. Joe Guest

    Hmmm. Your visit must have seemed designed just to create social media content too

  2. Wayne Nicholson Guest

    I was really surprised to see the tone of this review, from someone who is an experienced world traveller, no less. While it ends on a note of grudging admiration, I feel it very greatly misses the mark of what is really important about the experience of staying at the Burj al Arab.

    For instance, it's not important to obsess over the number of Chinese or Russian tourists gaping through the lobby. Who cares? A...

    I was really surprised to see the tone of this review, from someone who is an experienced world traveller, no less. While it ends on a note of grudging admiration, I feel it very greatly misses the mark of what is really important about the experience of staying at the Burj al Arab.

    For instance, it's not important to obsess over the number of Chinese or Russian tourists gaping through the lobby. Who cares? A guest at the hotel will spend most of their time at the hotel enjoying their thoroughly-lavish suite, or the facilities, or the wonderful restaurants. I don't travel, or stay in a hotel, to people-watch.

    I feel this review does a disservice to this fascinating hotel, and the staff who work incredibly hard to deliver something that might be said to be beyond a world-class product. But it also does a disservice to the readers who might get a mistaken impression of the place, and because of it deny themselves an opportunity to spend a night or two in a hotel that they'll thoroughly enjoy and never forget.

    We have stayed, for instance, at the Baur au Lac in Zurich, Claridge's and The Savoy in London, The Waldorf-Astoria, The Plaza in New York, The Adlon in Berlin, and any number of other 5-Star hotels. One can only conclude that if these indeed are 5-Star hotels, then the Burj is in truth and in fact a 7-Star hotel, and yes, that it is therefore now truly "a thing". The Burj leaves most other hotels in this class so far in the dust that it is in no way fair or realistic to lump it together with the others.

    As someone who has stayed at the Burj al Arab several times, who thoroughly and unabashedly enjoys it, and very much looks forward to our next visits, let me give your readers a somewhat different view of the place. The author doesn't seem to enjoy it all that much, so let me offer a take on why royalty, and celebrities, and presidents, top business executives, and the uber-wealthy DO enjoy the place, and like me, want to come back time and time again.

    Yes, it's flashy. It's flamboyant. It's unique. It's dazzling. It's over-the-top. It's unrestrained. It's even at times borderline delightfully ridiculous. And that's because IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE!

    This is Dubai, after all. This is a city whose DNA is to take visual and architectural risks, to push the envelope, to do things done nowhere else on earth, to achieve the seemingly impossible. Thanks to the remarkable vision of the ruler of Dubai, Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, and his family and predecessors, something has been created out of pure desert that has added a new dimension to human civilization and has set new standards for us to aspire to; it has helped redefine what is possible. People who've been to Dubai can understand what I mean; those who yet haven't can hopefully just take my word for it that the world would be poorer for it were the place to not be there and to have become what it is.

    Over 200 international designers worked to create the interior and exterior visual.product. Are they stupid?

    Or did they intend to deliver something vastly different and well out of the ordinary? This is Arabian culture, after all, and part of why I and others enjoy it so much is their love of the visually-dazzling and the effect it has on the viewer. One only has to visit the Presidential Palace in Abu Dhabi, or the Alhambra in Grenada, or the Dome of the Rock in Jerusalem, or any number of other mesmerizing Islamic works of art to understand and appreciate that culture, and to quickly learn to not judge it with exclusively Western eyes and tastes.

    For instance, yes, there is gold everywhere in the hotel. Gold plated bathroom fixtures, gold leaf on the furniture, tons of gold decorating the lobby and other parts of the building. And.......?

    It's part of Arab culture. Arabs love gold. And so do I. And so do most people. And so have people throughout all of recorded history. What's wrong with that? Just because you don't ever see it in, say, a Marriott, does that make it a bad thing?? I for one think it's wonderful to be surrounded by that level of opulence if one has worked hard and can afford it, and so do most people of means.

    So yes, there are bold primary colors juxtaposed against each other in a way that one wouldn't find in a Four Seasons in Toronto, for instance. And thank God for that, since I'm bored to death with that minimalist, sterile, ultra-modern look that one can find in dozens of cookie-cutter hotel chains around the world. I for one can't wait till my next visit to the Burj and be dazzled by bold reds set against gold, set against bright blue (intended, for instance, to reprise the color of the ocean outside).

    It was to me especially off-putting, and thoroughly missing the mark, to so relentlessly characterize the hotel's decor as "hideous". Not to mention "weird", "ugly", or "gaudy", or "absolutely ridiculous". "Tacky"? "Superficial"? Compared to what? The Plaza? The St. Francis?

    I agree with the commenter who characterized the review as "intolerant" and "judgmental", and that the place was simply "not to the author's taste". Perhaps Ben was just having a grumpy day when he wrote it?

    As someone who has been fortunate enough to enjoy luxury offerings around the world, I can't fathom the meaning of the comment that "it's the furthest thing from bespoke luxury". I wonder why the afore-mentioned royalty, celebrities, uber-wealthy and the others don't seem to agree with this at all. In my view, it's luxury of its own unique style and dimension, but still absolutely and thoroughly luxurious.

    Yes, I too wouldn't "want my home to look like this", because, for one thing, it's not supposed to be anyone's "home". It's supposed to be a fun and flamboyant vacation spot, at which it succeeds in spades. The author may "not want to stay in a hotel like this for a week", but I and countless others can assure you that I love nothing better than to spend a week (or more!) at such a magnificent hotel.

    Ben says he appreciates "great service", so I'm at a loss to understand why he went into the hotel expecting anything less. After all, that is in fact part of its reputation, and I can assure readers that it does in fact deliver, in spades. It hits all the right notes of warm, classy, gracious and friendly hospitality, without crossing over as do so many other luxury venues into ever being overfamiliar, oversolicitous, intrusive or annoying. The staff has been trained to read guests needs very well, and I feel they raise service to a fine art. I'm glad that the author at least had his epiphany moment and reality check, and attitude adjustment, when he at last granted that the staff do a job that defines truly great service.

    The author also neglected to go into detail of one of the best experiences of the hotel, the amount of included benefits and "freebies" that it offers guests. It absolutely positively doesn't nickle-and-dime its guests for every little thing, like most (supposed) luxury hotels these days so infuriatingly do. Like one reviewer notes, given the size of the suites and the value of included amenities, it's not really that expensive a place at all. Try staying at your typical 5-Star and having to pay $8 for a bottle of water, and maybe the graciousness of the Burj will be better appreciated.

    I do agree with the author that one shouldn't stay there if one is looking for a "typical luxury hotel experience". I, for one, have been spoiled by the Burj and a few others so badly that I'm afraid that a "typical luxury hotel experience" for me these days makes me feel rather like I'm staying at a Motel 6. I have seen Paris, and there is no way now that I'm content anymore staying on the farm.

    For those who used this "insight" review to validate their preconceived prejudices against Dubai or the Burj, I'd just urge you to go and see for yourself. You'll probably have your own epiphany moment and attitude adjustment, and come to be seduced by the place like so many others. After all, that's the fundamental benefit of traveling, to broaden one's horizons and shake off preconceived notions of what an unknown place is all about. One learns in an entirely different way by seeing things with one's own eyes and experiencing a place in person, in a way that is just not possible by reading books or newspapers, or perusing well-meaning online travel sites.

  3. Mary Guest

    The most entertaining review I’ve read on here! I almost want to go for the entertainment and alternate reality.

  4. SANFlyer Guest

    Thanks for this review Lucky, what a time capsule!

    I stayed here with my family for a week, back in the year 2000. Your pictures show that LITERALLY nothing has changed about that place. The decor, the service, the color scheme, the Hermes products, the restaurants. Nothing has changed, it looks exactly the same as I remember it 23 years ago.

    My dad did business at the time with Jumeriah, and as a...

    Thanks for this review Lucky, what a time capsule!

    I stayed here with my family for a week, back in the year 2000. Your pictures show that LITERALLY nothing has changed about that place. The decor, the service, the color scheme, the Hermes products, the restaurants. Nothing has changed, it looks exactly the same as I remember it 23 years ago.

    My dad did business at the time with Jumeriah, and as a gift they offered to fly our whole family out from California (Lufthansa, business class) to Dubai to experience the hotel for a week, all expenses paid. It was by far the most memorable trip I took as an early teenager. They picked up our party from the airport in two custom Rolls Royce Silver Seraphs (Rolls Royce's were way more exclusive back then than they are now, I remember it being a big deal) and greeted us with refrigerated moist towlettes to wash our faces and hands. What a treat. Back then, the Burj Al Arab was the last major development in Dubai, and was actually quite far away from the 'center of town' back then. I remember where the Madinat Jumeriah development now stands was just a campsite and public beach and then just desert all the way towards Abu Dhabi (no JBR, no Marina district, etc).

    The only thing that looks like it might have changed is that they may have cut back on the amount of Hermes products they give out for free. I remember my mom and my aunt gleefully loading up a small suitcase with perfumes and lotions when the housekeeping staff offered them, acting like the Beverly Hillbillies when they first moved into the mansion. I also remember they would give slippers down by the pool that had the Burj al Arab logo imprinted on the bottom, so when you walked through the sand it left the logo imprint. Our floor butler gave us a tour of the Royal Suite, which was a 6,000 sq ft monstrosity that had 2 stories of floor-to ceiling windows and a grand piano.

    Man the memories are flooding back! Thanks for the review!

  5. iamhere Guest

    Mixed opinion. I am not sure if $1400 is expensive or not considering the size the rooms and considering the service. Just because you did not care for the décor does not mean it was not elaborate or luxurious. I am surprised about the number of free things because usually KOL influenced places tend to charge for just about everything. Have you checked how much the most luxurious hotels are in some major American cities?...

    Mixed opinion. I am not sure if $1400 is expensive or not considering the size the rooms and considering the service. Just because you did not care for the décor does not mean it was not elaborate or luxurious. I am surprised about the number of free things because usually KOL influenced places tend to charge for just about everything. Have you checked how much the most luxurious hotels are in some major American cities? (Even ones part of some major luxury brands.) Just a hotel room is close to the amount of this hotel. I would not stay there because of all of the KOLs and the hoopla behind it. It seems overrated even without me looking further. If you went there for coffee/tea or a meal I were to assume you had a bit of a taste for what you were in for.

  6. Greg Tomlinson Guest

    I'm staying here next month, and I couldn't be more excited. It's a bucket-list experience. It seems rathen intolerant and judgmental of you to describe the rooms as "hideous, gaudy, and ugly", and I could have done without the gratuitous reference to President Trump's plane. The rooms may not be your taste, and everyone has their own, but I think these rooms are pretty cool. You can never please everyone all the time. I personally...

    I'm staying here next month, and I couldn't be more excited. It's a bucket-list experience. It seems rathen intolerant and judgmental of you to describe the rooms as "hideous, gaudy, and ugly", and I could have done without the gratuitous reference to President Trump's plane. The rooms may not be your taste, and everyone has their own, but I think these rooms are pretty cool. You can never please everyone all the time. I personally don't care for the Emirates fake wood panels surrounding the windows of their planes but it's the culture and style that they like. I don't describe their planes as hideous or ugly. My taste is more Lufthansa clean and simple but I recognize that, "When in Rome, act like a Roman". Anyway, I look forward to your full review and I can't wait to experience it for myself.

  7. KDSJC Guest

    Reminds me of the interiors of the old Carnival ships. Yuk.

  8. Nic Guest

    I stayed in an Airbnb in Burj Khalifa once. It was a similar experience. An iconic place to stay, huge apartment, hideous decor, an amazing pool on I think the 60th floor and friendly service at reception. When I dared to say that the decor was too bling and over the top for my taste in my review of the property I was verbally attacked by the owner. Eventually I had to get Airbnb to...

    I stayed in an Airbnb in Burj Khalifa once. It was a similar experience. An iconic place to stay, huge apartment, hideous decor, an amazing pool on I think the 60th floor and friendly service at reception. When I dared to say that the decor was too bling and over the top for my taste in my review of the property I was verbally attacked by the owner. Eventually I had to get Airbnb to block the owner as their comments became ever nastier. A once in a lifetime experience but never again!

    1. Loretta Jackson Guest

      Why on Earth would you comment that, though? There's pictures in the booking site and taste is subjective. You're in the Middle East, have some cultural sense. Americans, I swear to god ...

    2. Eskimo Guest

      @Loretta Jackson

      The verbal retaliation from the owner is a hostile act and confirms that owners are hiding WMD in that apartment.
      So the Allied coalitions, who blocked the owners, will send in armed forces to liberate the Airbnb apartment, redo the decor, make sure the to keep it that way by leaving troops in the apartment.

      It's not just Airbnb. So much for cultural sense. Still swearing to god?

  9. Adam Guest

    Didn’t like it, thought security was rude shouting at people, well overrated IMO.

  10. Kevan Guest

    I've walked past it as there's a footpath/cycleway all the way along the coast from north of that hotel to the Creek where you get ferries to the city centre.Seems a 'more money than sense 'sort of place and I can't say I'd be tempted but obviously if I won a stay for free that'd be different!

  11. J W S ORD Guest

    Note that Ben doesn't list this as a "REVIEW" but rather an "INSIGHT". Why?Perhaps not to offend with a 1 or 2 star rating?

    1. Brandon Guest

      Or because the review is coming later and he just wants to share quick thoughts? As he said in the beginning of the post...

  12. AdrienH New Member

    Already a great introduction Lucky of, indeed, the most hideous hotel in the World! Only the exterior, is spectacular. Went there 2x for high tea over the years and I believe that's enough for me! And now with this clientele CN/RU and bloggers ... run as fast as you can ... and spend your money elsewhere ;-)

  13. Ivanka Guest

    Burj Al Arab is memorable experiences and I celebrated my birthday.The services was amazing and the staff make me feel as celebrity. Thank you so much

  14. Points Adventure Guest

    LOL at the Howard Johnson-grade Lucent phone.

  15. Caroline Guest

    Lucky: you should know that there is also an overpriced tour ($70 per person) just to visit. Must admit we took it for our son who loves architecture and we thought there would be more interesting facts about this. Rooms were indeed ugly (visited Royal Suite). We asked our guide how many people visited each day: over 1000! And the tour ends of course through a souvenir boutique where they try to sell you overpriced...

    Lucky: you should know that there is also an overpriced tour ($70 per person) just to visit. Must admit we took it for our son who loves architecture and we thought there would be more interesting facts about this. Rooms were indeed ugly (visited Royal Suite). We asked our guide how many people visited each day: over 1000! And the tour ends of course through a souvenir boutique where they try to sell you overpriced pictures ( between 50 and 80$) of you with different fake looking backgrounds…

  16. WillM Member

    What an exercise in tastelessness. 90% Ruzzian and Chinese? I'd rather spend $1400 on a Motel 6 in Bakersfield than share real estate with any ruzzian subhumans.

  17. yepnope Guest

    The hotel represents dubai well. Over priced and tacky AF.

  18. Wolff13 Gold

    I have no plans to visit dubai, ever. I don’t think I’ll be missing much.

    1. ololo New Member

      The most annoying is people sometimes repeatedly asking if I like to visit Dubai. When I politely say "No," they are surprisingly asking "why?"

    2. Mike Guest

      So people asking you for your preferences are "annoying". You sound delightful to be on a date with.

  19. François Guest

    Hahaha this was great. Looking forward to reading the full review soon!!

  20. CMX Guest

    The most interesting review in a while! Rate isn't so bad considering the massage for 2 and the size of the room (plus free Hermes goodies). Often it's 1000+ for rooms with this size elsewhere.

  21. Ya Guest

    Still waiting refer luxury in maldives

    1. Sheriene R Guest

      Last January I stayed at Lilly Beach. Loved it!

    2. MJS Guest

      I stayed at Lily Beach in 2021. We splurged for one of the Sunset Water Suites and it was amazing. One of the best experiences of my life. Kids absolutely loved it too. I'd go back in a second.

  22. Sammy D Guest

    Stayed here in 2007 and it literally looks exactly the same. The only difference is that there were more full sized Hermes bath amenities at the time. I stayed there two nights and literally checked a suitcase full of product. There were also flip flops they provided that would leave an imprint of the Burj logo in the sand when you walked. Not sure if it has changed, but at the time there were 202...

    Stayed here in 2007 and it literally looks exactly the same. The only difference is that there were more full sized Hermes bath amenities at the time. I stayed there two nights and literally checked a suitcase full of product. There were also flip flops they provided that would leave an imprint of the Burj logo in the sand when you walked. Not sure if it has changed, but at the time there were 202 rooms and just over 1000 staff. We got to know our butler quite well and he really went out of his way to take care of us. He even took us for a tour of the Royal Suite -- I likened it to taking a firehose and spraying luxury all over the property. The only thing missing was a stretch 90s limo with a "V" antenna on the back.

  23. TravelinWilly Diamond

    This was a great post!

    I swear to dog that there were moments of Tiffany in it (viz. the incredibly funny humor!), and it was a real pleasure to read.

    THANK YOU for this one!

  24. Icarus Guest

    A colleague stayed there and didn’t enjoy it as it was far too much “ in your face “.

    I understand the luxury and amazing service, however it’s also tasteless, lurid and tacky.

    Watch Dubai Bling on Netflix along with similar franchises and money doesn’t bring class.

  25. davedent Guest

    I stayed there in 2003 - think it was $300 a night then - the decor is exactly the same - still got the mirror over the bed !

  26. Kevin Guest

    You mentioned the hotel staff and how great they were, I would be interested to know where most of the staff from the UAE or outside the country?

    1. Icarus Guest

      Staff are never from the UAE. Perhaps a couple of managers. Generally the senior staff are from western countries and the lower echelons from the non developed world. Filipinos are usually customer facing as they provide excellent service although they are all taken advantage of and paid terrible salaries. You don’t expect your average UAE resident to actually work

    2. Regis Guest

      The help is 100% foreign, mostly from the indian subcontinent.

  27. M Shah Guest

    I’ve stayed there a few times, yes the hotel is quite over the top but it’s still nice once you get the hang of it. You didn’t mention the butlers? To me the gold tray next to the bidet with the small bar of Hermes soap for washing your butt is always interesting and they didn’t pick you in their Rolls?

  28. MikeyInOregon Guest

    I agree that the hotel is so over the top but I don't think it's hideous, it's just true to the Dubai vibes, i.e. very plastic and pretentious. I had the same reaction as yours when I saw the picture of the phone. LOL

    1. Julia Guest

      A lot of other hotels are over the top, but in a more modern way. This is still stuck in the late 90s/early 2000s...

  29. M Simons Guest

    Interesting you saw more Chinese & Russian more than others. To experience a place, always considered two nights to be minimum. But to each their own.

  30. Razor Guest

    I see the pictures of the rooms and I quite like them.

  31. Andy 11235 Guest

    It looks like a cross between Disneyland and a Macau casino. I struggle to imagine what discussions with the interior decorator must have been like. "We aren't aiming for a palace motif, but rather what kleptocrats think a palace looks like."

    1. grichard Guest

      That really does capture the essence of it perfectly.

  32. Andrew Diamond

    Awesome review. Thank you!

    1. Antonio Guest

      Well, the hotel perimeter cannot compare to hookers cities like LA or Miami..I forgot drug traffickers and fentanyl boys add fun to these cities...

  33. Alonzo Diamond

    Says a lot about the world's wealth concentration when 90% of the folks here are Chinese or Russian.

    1. Ej Guest

      Not really. It says a lot about where Russians and Chinese like to spend their money

    2. Never In Doubt Guest

      Also, a lot about where Russians can easily travel now.

    3. Alonzo Diamond

      Who owns the most expensive NYC real estate? Chinese and Russians. Bought in cash. Over Zoom.

    4. Razor Guest

      I see the pictures of the rooms and I quite like them.

  34. Chris W Guest

    A trashy hotel with a trashy clientele.

    No thanks.

    1. Miguel Guest

      … In a trashy city devoid of culture and human rights.

    2. Icarus Guest

      True. I believe Abu Dhabi sees itself as being more cultured with museums and a performing arts centre. Dubai is all about rich bloggers, cars, shopping, whose apartment is bigger and which hotel is better than the other.

  35. Max Guest

    Five Palm is equally hilarious.

  36. dn10 Guest

    What rate did you pay and what's the best way to book (any travel agent companies with perks or discounts here?)

    1. Ben Schlappig OMAAT

      @ dn10 -- Sorry, just updated post to reflect cost and how I booked. Virtuoso is pretty great, as it offers a complimentary massage for two people once per stay, even for a one night stay.

    2. Lukas Diamond

      Did you tip? Any tips on tipping? LOL.

  37. W4 Commuter Guest

    I have to say, the interiors are a total ball!

    I suppose this would be how Tony Montana's home would look like if he got Salvador Dali as his interior designer.

  38. JamesW Guest

    Lucky should sell merchandise: "I flew on your gaudy subsidized airline, suppressed my identity, and traipsed around your casino-chic dump of a resort, and all I got was this itchy infidel t-shirt!"

  39. JetAway Guest

    You had a wonderful time. The hotel succeeded in its mission.

  40. Clem Diamond

    If money was not an object at all, I guess I'd be curious to try it for a night or 2. But I would definitely not save up and splurge for this as a treat, now that you confirmed this is basically an influencer pit of hell :D ... I would be so annoyed hah. Looking forward to the full review and also curious about how much you paid for this!

  41. TJ Guest

    Hey Lucky,
    Can you not share the cost of the stay or how you booked it? I’m always curious about these things and you are usually very open with costs of the room, food, ect.

    1. Ben Schlappig OMAAT

      @ TJ -- Sorry about that, updated post to add that. Was going to share full details in the actual trip report, but that's an important detail to include here as well.

    2. TJ Guest

      Awesome. Thanks again. I always enjoy your reviews

  42. NedsKid Diamond

    Are people actually allowed into any of the pools or are they just there to be photographed?

    Great review... finally someone who is saying what many of us are thinking about the place.

    1. Cedric Guest

      Lol! That made my day.

  43. Chris Guest

    As noted previously, the theocratic petrostates don't really create, innovate, or improve; they mostly wave their proverbial d---s in the form of bling and gaudy baubles, usually built on the backs of slave labor. This is just another datapoint that fits the curve.

  44. Ralph4878 Guest

    This pictures are making me hungry for some Cheesecake Factory...

    1. Steve Diamond

      Yup same here, lunch today is settled definitely going to Cheesecake Factory today!

  45. pstm91 Diamond

    Wish we could go back to pre-instagram/social media...

    1. ConcordeBoy Diamond

      Because you're weak.

  46. Mak Guest

    Reminds me of Bob Stupak's Vegas World . . . just more so.

  47. DLPTATL Guest

    Lucky, you have me thinking about staying for a night just for the people watching. The beyond-Vegas style décor and price-to-value ratio have been deterrents, but now??? I think I'll wait for the full review before booking.

  48. 305 Guest

    Thank you for reinforcing my theory that any woman who lists "Dubai" as a travel bucket-list destination on their dating profile is an automatic HARD NO from me.

    Glad that you were able to just laugh and enjoy their behavior. That's me more often than not in Miami. Why can't people actually enjoy the life front of them without needing the social validation?

    1. DTS Guest

      Word. Miami is already too much facade for me, and my name isn't Liberace either, so Dubai, and this hotel in particular, will remain a black spot on the map for me...

    2. David Diamond

      Because people are deeply insecure.

    3. Jim Guest

      Not only that, avoid women who travel there regularly with no obvious job that pays enough to afford such trips.

  49. gougoul Guest

    I stayed there like 15 years ago, basically it was the same mess ! Already full of people watching in awe at anything around them.
    They did indeed toss out full sized Hermes his & hers toiletries, but "La grande maison" used to do the same in Bordeaux for a lower price (maybe a reason why it shutdown ?) and room that had more style
    I wasn't impressed by the service. The rooms are probably the ugliest I've ever seen.

  50. Anthony Diamond

    Room rate? :)

    Also - you mention how people watching is interesting there - are guests sociable? (I guess there may be a language barrier)

  51. Alvin | YTHK Diamond

    I absolutely love this - you're paying for a Disneyland ticket, except the guests are the mascots. And you get your own space to hide if needed.

Featured Comments Most helpful comments ( as chosen by the OMAAT community ).

The comments on this page have not been provided, reviewed, approved or otherwise endorsed by any advertiser, and it is not an advertiser's responsibility to ensure posts and/or questions are answered.

Ej Guest

Not really. It says a lot about where Russians and Chinese like to spend their money

8
JetAway Guest

You had a wonderful time. The hotel succeeded in its mission.

7
305 Guest

Thank you for reinforcing my theory that any woman who lists "Dubai" as a travel bucket-list destination on their dating profile is an automatic HARD NO from me. Glad that you were able to just laugh and enjoy their behavior. That's me more often than not in Miami. Why can't people actually enjoy the life front of them without needing the social validation?

7
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