My Worst Hotel Spa Massage Experience Ever: What Would You Have Done?

Up until now, my strangest hotel spa experience ever has been when I stayed at a Marriott property in China, and the spa therapist tried to aggressively “hard sell” off-menu spa services. Despite repeated denials, the hard selling, and heavy inner thigh rubbing, continued. Well, I think I just had an even stranger — or at least more unpleasant — massage, and it borders on comical…

Before I get into this, let me of course acknowledge that this is all a first world problem, so please don’t take this too seriously. There are obviously much bigger issues in the world.

Masseuse complains constantly about how her hands hurt

We’re currently on a big family trip to South Tyrol, which has been absolutely lovely (minus the heat wave, of course). South Tyrol is incredible in so many ways, with amazing scenery, food, wine, and people. The hotels here also have a big focus on wellness, all with expansive spas that have all kinds of facilities.

We’re currently staying at a beautiful boutique property, and the spa menu had been placed in our welcome pamphlets. Prices for spa treatments at luxury properties have gone through the roof over the years, and nowadays it’s not uncommon to see hour-long massages costing $200-300. So we were downright delighted when we saw that the 50-minute massages were going for €85, and there’s a 20% discount if you have your appointment before 2PM, bringing the cost down to €68.

Of course you can get cheaper massages on the streets of Thailand, but for a real spa in a nice hotel in Europe, that’s about as reasonable pricing as I’ve seen (especially in a culture where a 20% tip isn’t expected).

So I decided to go to the spa shortly after checking in to make appointments for the whole family. We had a very active trip up until this point, and relaxing a bit sounded nice. We booked Ford and his mom appointments the first day, I booked myself an appointment the next day, and I booked my dad an appointment for the day after that, just based on our schedules.

We all opted for the “sport & vitality massage,” described as “designed to relieve tension after sporting activities and provide maximum support for muscle regeneration.” Sounds great!

Ford was first into the lion’s den… I mean, to the spa… and as he finished, he sent me the below text.

As he described it, he asked for deep pressure at the beginning of the massage, and then the masseuse spent 50 minutes basically just rubbing his body with oil, with the lightest pressure imaginable. He quickly ran his hand over my arm to give an example of the pressure.

Ford’s mom was next (they had back-to-back massages). Of course we were very curious to hear her take, so once she was done, we asked what she thought. Her answer? “I wasn’t going to say anything, but that was the worst massage of my life.”

She explained she asked the therapist for harder pressure during the massage, and the therapist responded by holding up her hands and saying “my hands, they hurt, four months” (she didn’t speak much English, but I’d assume four months referred to how long she has been working in this role, or something… and that’s too long, I guess?).

My massage was the following morning, and by the time I got this feedback, it was within the 24 hour period where you couldn’t cancel for free. Honestly, I would’ve forced them to cancel my reservation, but at this point I figured I had to experience this for myself as well.

I actually didn’t make any requests at all (beyond the massage type I had booked), but instead, she just repeatedly proactively apologized:

• About 15 minutes into the massage, she held up her hands and just repeatedly rotated them at a 180-degree angle, while saying “my hands”
• About 30 minutes into the massage, she said “it’s okay? I’m sorry, my hands,” while again holding up her hands
• At the conclusion of the massage, she said “sorry, three massages yesterday, it hurts”

I don’t want to be a jerk, but even aside from pressure, this was genuinely the least skilled massage I’ve ever received:

• I’m not convinced she had any professional training, as there wasn’t really any technique to it
• She basically just spent 50 minutes lathering me in what must be toxic quantities of oil, because it just never stopped
• The pressure was closer to a Swedish massage than a deep tissue, but at least a Swedish massage has some sort of rhythm to it
• She couldn’t even time the massage correctly, because I ended up on my stomach for 15 minutes (so she did my legs and back), then she had me turn over, then she did my legs, then she did my upper body, and then she did my legs again, I guess because she still had too much time remaining
• And I won’t even talk about how she kept referring to Ford as my “brother,” and asking where my wife was, which didn’t actually bother me, but was just sort of the icing on the cake

For what it’s worth, this is a one person spa operation, so she was also the person working the spa reception, who then handed me the bill. At the end she asked “everything okay?” I mean, how do you even answer that, when the person apologized to you three times for their hands being tired during the treatment?

How does one even begin to address this situation?

Obviously I don’t know exactly what the therapist’s hand pain situation was, but I sympathize with her. I’ve had hand and wrist pain over the years from typing too much, and it has been a real struggle at times. I get it.

But also, if you’re going to work as a massage therapist, having hand pain that prevents you from performing the advertised spa treatments sort of seems like a deal breaker, no?

It’s awkward when the person performing the (poor) service is also the person who hands you the check and confirms everything was “okay,” despite her repeated apologies for not being able to properly massage. I should also note that this woman’s English was very limited (she didn’t speak German, but did speak Italian, which I don’t speak).

I know I’m a total pushover, but this is where I’m conflicted. I know I should report her to whoever the property manager is, and she should be sent packing for the season, or until this pain is no longer an issue. It can’t be that people are paying for services, and then each person is simply apologized to because they’re not getting the service they booked. Like if I’m having to say “oh, I’m sorry to hear that” three times during a 50-minute massage, something is seriously wrong.

At the same time, I imagine she relies on this job to make a living, so that’s where my sympathetic side kicks in. I think the hotel is largely responsible here for who they hired for the role, because I can’t imagine this was a sudden thing, and I can’t imagine she’s terribly qualified in the first place.

Bottom line

I never thought I’d have a hotel spa treatment that would top the “hard selling” of off-menu services I had at a Marriott in China. But I’m just wrapping up a stay at a hotel in South Tyrol where the therapist seemingly just wasn’t able to apply any pressure due to hand pain, down to the point that she brought it up three times during my short massage. I sympathize with her, but also, it seems that maybe she shouldn’t be performing these treatments?

If you’d like to just be slathered in oil and have someone lightly run their hand over your entire body, I’d highly recommend this place. Otherwise, I’d recommend saving your time and money.

How would you handle this strange spa experience, and how would you have handled it?