Reminder: it’s not appropriate to “single-handedly” join the mile high club

And I’m happy to report that unlike my last airplane etiquette lesson about pajamas, it wasn’t me that learned the hard way (no pun intended, given the story).

Well, it appears on a United Airlines flight from Spokane to Denver a week ago a coach passenger decided to masturbate. Per AOL Travel:

A passenger seated in 19D right behind Pearce told police “I hit him with my book in the arm, which caused him to stop and leave to the bathroom.”

A woman unlucky enough to be seated next to Pearce in 18E told cops he was masturbating and that he, “ejaculated and got some on the seat.”

Man, that’s not even Economy Plus. He should have at least opted for a few extra inches…

His potential punishment?

Pearce faces a maximum sentence of 90 days in jail with a year of supervised release and a fine of up to $5,000.


Anyway, keep it clean, folks. Unless you have a suite with a door that closes, keep your pants (or pajamas) on… and even then you still should.

Filed Under: Media
  1. EVERYONE knows you’re suppose to do that kind of stuff in the lav — not in the cabin.

    …just kidding, of course.

  2. Well, United and Continental keep talking about merging being not as important as what’s “emerging”. I guess we now know what is emerging after all – IT is emerging! (Ssinfeld fans will get this)

  3. “It’s not illegal. It’s frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.”

    “I’m pretty sure that’s illegal too.”

    “Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, bin Laden.”

  4. What happened to “CLEAN, safe and reliable transportation” Smisek?
    Are these the new changes that are, ahhem, coming?…


  5. @Lucky

    This story is already pretty funny but your ridiculous running commentary just made it all the funnier. Ah, that just made my morning

  6. Maybe this guy was inspired by the creepy Smisek hand waving that takes place at the beginning of the safety video…

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