Every so often you’ll see the mainstream media covering the topic of someone flying in first or business class, and leaving their spouse in economy (in these stories, usually it’s the husband in the premium cabin, and the wife in economy).
Continue reading: Is It Okay To Fly First Class, Leave Spouse In Economy?
Share your questions, experiences, and thoughts below.
I am not sexist but people think it is strange when a woman is traveling alone in first class. It is designed for men and also couples. Not as much for women and children.
There is one element that you're missing: you're assuming the husbands all booked the seats / got the upgrades and selfishly didn't share it. Why couldn't it have been the wives who are treating their husbands? After all, you noted in your post that men are typically larger than women, so might not comfortably fit in economy and this could just be reflecting the wives lovingly giving their husbands a first class seat.
That is quite literally the definition of a sexist statement. There is nothing "gendered" about a seat...
Re-reading this and realizing this comes across as accusatory to Ben. Not my intention, and just providing my opinion on a scenario 🙂
I try to travel in the same cabin as my travel companions. If I am offered an upgrade at the gate, I will often ask my partner or whoever is flying with me if they want it. If they say no, then I decline it myself as well. I mostly only get complimentary upgrades on domestic US flights, so I'm not missing out on much and I've done it enough before where I'm fine with it. As you said, Economy is more tolerable with company. I also mostly get extra legroom seats too so my 6'2" self doesn't mind.
This is just so sad and gross to hear about.
I recognize many people are trapped in depressing and unequal relationships… and it’s all too easy for a partner to justify their own selfishness in their and maybe even their partner’s mind… especially if they are the ones making the most money. But for me… if this type of behavior kept occurring in my relationship I would view it to be a serious red flag indicating I’m in an unhealthy and unequal relationship and it’s time for therapy or time to move on.
3 wives seated in Y, come up to F and are affectionate to their selfish husbands? I don’t think they were wives, Lucky 😉
It is a very common practice in the ME that local men occupy business class while their women economy.
Is the practice spreading further west?
On the contrary Uncle, the kept woman is quite often treated better than the wife …. 🙂
MY wife and I were flying home from Paris to LA last August on Air France, Premium Economy. There were mechanical problems with my seat and I was offered an upgrade to Business. We have always flown together and it just seemed weird to leave her in Premium Economy so I declined it unless she was included. as I knew that there were many seats open in Business. A few minutes later we were both upgraded to Business. There is noooo way that either of us, after 56 years of marriage, would ever fly in separate sections of the plane.
I let my wife take the seat in First, then I go back of the bus. She appreciates it and I feel good about it. At least 1 of us should be comfortable.
It's fine, it's all public transport at the end of the day. What seems really odd is all of them crossing the curtain, it would obviously have been be a real hardship for the men to get up and walk back to Y.
My marriage has been able to withstand those occasions where only one of us gets the upgrade. It’s too bad so many seem so fragile
I think it's terrible intentionally leaving spouse in a lesser cabin. I wouldn't even leave my kids, regardless of their ages, in a lesser cabin intentionally. The only exception I'd make is if one of us is complimentarily upgraded to a better cabin, and only with the blessing of the rest of the family on the plane.
Wanna make enough money to pay for your spouse's First Class ticket?
Make partner at Skadden Arps (profit per partner over $6MM)
Of course it’s okay! I never understand couples who have such a zero sum view of the world that one of them having a better time wouldn’t make them both better off. If you want your spouse to suffer with you you’re doomed
A seat is absolutely gendered. In Spanish a seat - un asiento - is gendered masculine.
Some of y’all are really codependent. It’s not the end of the world if you’re not seated together for a few hours. Even if it was 10+ what’s the big deal you’re going home together or on vacation together where you’ll be together 24/7. Cut the umbilical cord.
For whatever financial, logistical or cultural reasons a couple or family does this, they should then sit in their seats and not spend the whole flight visiting each other. Nothing more annoying than people constantly walking back and forth in the aisle to visit. Had this recently on a Saudi flight where the wife and child spent the whole flight walking up to visit the husband in business, back to their seat, and then repeat over and over.
If you by separate tickets - then yes one can get upgraded and other not. But if on same PNR - the companion should just be below the Elite on the list. If only one seat left for you - then both AA and UA allow you to make a decision on whether you want to split the PNR if one upgrade. Then a conscious decision to boot the companion.
I don't think airlines allow you to split time in the seat - what I have seen.
Why is it that law firms where you’ll never work make you ejaculate so much?
Real question, please answer it.
Your premise is faulty. I am an equity partner (well, all Skadden partners are equity partners)
You sure have a lot of time on your hands to be replying to my posts incessantly insisting, without evidence, that I am not even a lawyer. We all have the same 24 hours in a day which we can use toward productive aims, yet you are replying to blog comments - what does that make you? (Real question, but I'll answer it for you. You're a loser.)
Exactly. Only men can sit.
On the other hand, la casa is feminine - so any man that thinks like above has to take that seat outside the house.
Perhaps everyone's relationship dynamic is different and people make their own choices.
Not sure why we necessarily need an opinion piece to tell us how to live our lives.
Some couples don't even like to sit together on planes.
Most likely the women in coach are referred to by their spouse as "the wife" or "the Mrs.". If they really have no first names, then they can't be upfront.
Imagine coming to someone’s opinion piece and telling them not to have an opinion.
you see this all the time, by the self entitled.... They can't stand to be apart for a few hours on a flight (they are so insecure and needy).
This also manifests when they insist (especially when they both Get a last minute upgrade) , that the entire first class cabin be shifted so they can sit together (usually for a few hours).... and, by coincidence, ask for what they perceive are the "best" seats.
Lastly, these ridiculous Public Displays of Affection (are you all that insecure) that everyone has to endure are awkward.
Sit in your God Damm seat for a few hours are relax !
Agreed.... if they were on an Asian carrier, they would not be allowed to go back and forth ! One of the reasons I fly Japanese airlines, where the chaos is at a minimum... even the Flight Attendants dont continually go back and forth, like US airplanes.
You hit the nail on the head ! The person in first or business should GO BACK to economy, and not the reverse !
I have been in the situation where I received the upgrade and my husband did not. I make the reservations, and I used my loyalty number. I am a female but always make my husband take the upgrade, why you may ask. My husband has PTSD and is 100% disabled (not physically) due to being in the military and I feel he earned it.
I don't think there's any airline in the world that prohibits passengers from visiting their friends, relatives, or colleagues sat elsewhere on the plane as long as they're not in a higher cabin.
I certainly like getting up and walking around a bit when flying long haul, I have never had cabin crew, from anywhere in the world, objecting to me walking through Y when my seat is in the front cabin...although there have been a couple of occasions when I got challenged by a FA when trying to return to my seat.
I can tell critical thinking is not one of your strengths, nowhere did I say that.
I'm saying, form your own opinion and make a decision based off of that.
The first time my wife came on an international business trip with me...Company paid for Biz Class for me. I was going to burn miles to get her in Biz Class...but then....the airline put First Class on a mileage sale. It was cheaper than Biz. I had to put her in First. You now know how all of our trips have gone since. I failed at managing expectations. Haha
How about the kids in the back? Wife and I are discussing how old our two boys (3 years apart) need to be to ride in the back alone. They are very well traveled and behaved. I’m thinking 8 and 11 or so
My husband always likes to fly first class. He is tall and much more comfortable. I on the other hand will fly economy. Why? Because I use points when I fly and I would rather use my points to fly more trips than one first class. I have done this with friends also. I look forward to many hours of sitting on a plane watching my TV shows. Now if the price difference is not that much I will upgrade to first class. This month my husband booked first class on Hawaiian for 40,000 miles, coach was 30,000 miles so I splurged for an extra 10,000 miles and will be flying with him in first class.
I was offered an upgrade on CX at check in and tried everything to get my partner upgraded too (couldn’t use miles cos wrong ticket type, cash upgrade was about 4 times the economy price for a 3-hr flight). Contrary to this article, the upgrade was only for me, the gold member, and not transferable. In the end, I asked them to see if both of us could be upgraded at the gate by asking them to make a note for the controller). In the lounge my partner felt bad so he agreed I should ask the lounge staff to call and make it clear I would take the upgrade for 1 if only available for 1. 20 mins later, someone next to me got my upgrade in the lounge. When at the gate, both of us were in original seats. Partner felt bad for the whole flight that I didn’t take it. So no, I don’t agree with Ben. Take the upgrade because if you’ve done it through status and your own cash (100% leisure travel) and it’s rare to get upgraded AND you tried to upgrade your partner too but didn’t succeed, take it on the spot or you’ll lose it. Then your partner will feel worse than if you took it and left them in economy. Lesson learned.
Maybe it is a weird co-dependency thing but I love travelling with my husband and love sharing all aspects of travel with him .... my (adult) children on the other hand, are expendable when it comes to travel classes.
Do airlines let you give a complimentary upgrade to someone else? I always assumed this wasn't allowed and the seat would go to the next person on the list.
At least for American, you can ask the gate agent to give the upgrade to your companion instead of yourself; I did this a few months ago.
I have traveled first or business a few times a couple of decades ago with my wife tagging along in Economy for the reasons you mentioned: I am 6 5 and my company paid the ticket so I can work fresh on arrival. Our marriage did just fine with this arrangement and today, retired, we always fly in the same class, preferential in the front of the plane.
I'd also say family size and aircraft config matter. Family of 4 and a 3x3 narrow body is tricky. 1 adult and 2 kids in extra legroom economy is quite comfy. The other adult gets a break in F which is much nicer than sitting in an aisle economy with two strangers.
Yes, Ok Arps, we all believe every single word you post, now who do you actually work for then?
I think it depends on how special the flight is. If you only fly a few times a year, or if this is a dream-come-true trip to Japan, you’ll want to sit together. If you’re both fairly frequent fliers, I agree, I’m sure you can live in separate cabins for one trip.
This might translate into a security issue in relationships. If are comfortable in your own skin you'll never question being seated in a different cabin. Perhaps this might be a good test before marriage or children.
When I flew Delta back from Cancun last year with my fiance, the gate agent called us and said we were next on the upgrade list, but there was only one F seat remaining. I gave it to my fiance, and only upgraded to Comfort+ myself.
When only one of us gets upgraded, I always let Mrs Doubt move up front.
Happy Wife. Happy Life.
It is up to the couple to come up with an amicable agreement. Flip a coin, take turns, give the premium seat to the bigger person, etc. It is no one's business to dictate what the couple should decide.
Same here. My work pays for me for premium cabins on long haul, when Mrs. Tags along I always give her my seat. Yes my employer is paying for me to get rest before work but I get to fly it more often than she does so I’d rather let her enjoy. Or we compromise, I fly lie flat to the destination to be rested to work, she flies it on the way back
Not going to make a comment on the practice (I think Ben made reasonable points) but very curious …
What was the route here? Where from and where to? How long was the flight ?
We both travel in what we're willing to pay for. If we disagree on which cabin to book, we split. I really don't see what the problem is or should be? If my partner is willing to splurge on something I'm not, why should I stop him from doing so, and vice versa?
Actually there is a procedural issue if this is an IATA coded international flight & it is still in effect. I know little about USA domestic as I don’t work those trips. Purser with 44 years.
Service & security procedures require that the pax occupy the seat location that is reflected on the pursers final closeout manifest & paperwork before the door is closed.
IATA & my own airline require pax to match that full name. Switching a YC, PE pax into BC is considered an IATA coded “theft of tariff revenue”. Same as the company thinking. You don’t walk into a Chevrolet dealer & drive out in a Cadillac. On our international flights it is still company policy that pax remain in their ticketed cabin of service. When folks are in front that want to visit family, etc. in economy I tell them feel free. But not the other way around. People in BC paid for peace & quiet & I work to provide that. Hawaii wide body flights are the biggest issues.
Trust me folks…I’ve heard every conceivable story from a pax of why one person got upgraded & the other didn’t & it’s “just another empty seat”. Well sir, it is to you but not my employer. They consider it theft of company revenue & I’m not losing my career over a pax upgrade. Even upgrading another employee without their paying the service cabin charges is grounds for MY termination. Not happening.
Do I bend the rules? Yes, when I’ve broken seats, etc? But I better be able to always justify 100% my action to my purser manager.
I know of pursers at my airline that have had their careers ended because of giving a free upgrade & it being reported by another passenger.
Kids that age can and should sit in the back. People get spoiled easily, young people even more so.
It happens cause my spouse is a road warrior and I am not. I encourage him to take the upgrade even though he always offers to trade seats as he sacrifices so much shlepping each week for our family
Agree. People are different, so are their choices. What is the big deal?
Personally I like to travel together because it is more fun, but I know people that do not care about sitting together, different classes and so on. Up to them, it is not a breach of human rights or anything.
Have only sat in separate cabins once, on a BA flight to NYC. We were both in biz, and there ended up being only one available upgrade to first. I was encouraged to take it; he stayed in his club suite.
We generally like to spend our flights as downtime, since we’re literally are on top of each other 24/7 on holiday (sometimes it’s a couple days; others, several weeks). I love my spouse, but it’s also nice to have time apart to zone out.
At one point, he came up to say hi — the FA in first that day was a wonderful lady — and buddy seat joined me for a glass of champagne and a chat. By the third glass together, I fell asleep… and he sat in the buddy seat reading on his phone and drinking better booze than in biz.
Situation worked out just delightfully for both of us. 🙂
I never understand why couples or friends want to sit next to each other on a flight. You'll see them at your destination, or you just saw them on the trip you were on; you can be without them for X amount of hours. I love sitting by myself on a flight.
Two failed attempts at surprising my father with an upgrade.
1/ I was in F on a 787 DFW hnl and going to let him have the lie flat seat. I ended up with thunderstorms in Houston and couldn’t make the trip. lol
2/ I upgraded LAX KOA but my father had a 2 hr delay in BOS and they were nice enough to hold the flight for him instead of pushback T-15. Anyhow everyone clapped when he made the flight but he wouldn’t take my first class seat. He made one visit to first class inflight for about five minutes.
Finally , if you’re going to split make your decision and commit. Going back and forth several times in flight or swapping seats is tacky.
There was an empty seat in F once in the last row and someone wanted to have their companion in the first row of main cabin to be moved up they were next on the upgrade lost. But the rule on American is once the doors are closed you can’t upgrade passengers. The F passenger whined about it for an hour. Ughh. Passengers are the worst. I can’t believe all the crap my mother put up with at American. Especially JFK New Yorkers are aggressive by nature. Being an airline employee is tough. Good riddance American.
Years ago, my husband pulled this and not in a nice way. Tons of back story but I was not happy. It was a long quiet (deathly still even) weekend in St. Thomas. LOL.
@Charlie:
Agreed. I find it a tad strange.
The sometimes quoted "either both of us get upgraded or I'm not going to accept and we will both sit in economy" is bizarre.
If it's a dream-come-true trip, then splurge and buy business or first. That's what you are supposed to do with those dream-come-true occasions.
Back when we started dating and an upgrade was a rare treat, we'd trade off. Now we fly in premium cabins often enough that if only one of us gets the upgrade, we give it away and just sit together in Y.
It’s not a specific seat on a plane that makes a kid spoiled or not. Poor parents can have spoiled kids, and wealthy parents can raise kids that are not—even kids that ride up front
My partner and I've traded a few times. The nice thing though now is since we're usually booking out in advance I go ahead and upgrade the flights for both of us. I'm not waiting for something to magically 'clear'. Those systemwide upgrades are worth little to nothing because they are very restricted on domestic flights and I don't recall seeing them at all on international with BA. Systemwide upgrades for DFW to AUS are a waste. I very rarely see DFW to LGA/JFK or DFW to LAX/SFO/Seattle.
It can happen on nonrev travel as well. In that case, I'd let my wife fly up front, but not everyone might be like that.
I just encountered a similar situation in. United flight from Delhi to EWR. The husband was in the last row of Polaris seat and the wife and child were booked on the first row of Premium plus seats. This was a planned booking by them, as the husband did not get the upgrade, (United posts the upgrade seats in their app). The wife and husband basically swapped their seats for several hours few times during the 16 hr flight. The crew went to sleep after the initial 2 hours of service and never bothered. Looks like this was a smart idea ( but not ethical) on their part to use business class facilites for both while paying for one .....