Having kids changes everything in life, and that includes travel. I thought I was an expert on navigating airlines and hotels before we had kids, and then suddenly I felt like a complete newbie. The concept of just rolling up to the airport 45 minutes before departure with a carry-on and relaxing (or typing furiously) for most of the flight is no longer a thing.
In this post, I’d like to talk a bit about how my perspective on hotels has changed over the years, especially as our older son, Miles, is a few months short of being four years old, which is a pretty great (but exhausting) age.
In this post:
For parents, happy kids make a great hotel stay
When you don’t have kids, there are so many aspects of the hotel experience you (understandably) might not even think about, from family pools, to play rooms and kids clubs, to special amenities that make kids happy. For that matter, if you aren’t traveling with kids, a hotel being too kid friendly might even be off-putting, since most couples don’t want to vacation while surrounded by screaming kids.
When our oldest son was still under two years old, I can’t say that I really put that much thought into how accommodating hotels were of kids. You want a hotel that has the basics and doesn’t make you feel out of place, but our son was still most interested in trying to play with outlets and light switches, rather than any things intended for kids.
However, our older son has really turned a corner — he now talks to us nonstop, asks us about everything, and wants to do things other than trying to stick his fingers in outlets (thank goodness!). Going along with that, I’m realizing that my impression of hotel stays is increasingly shaped by his impression of hotel stays:
- Miles is overjoyed when there’s a welcome amenity for him, or a “surprise,” as he calls it; before we even get to the hotel, he asks “are they going to have a surprise for me?”
- A great kids club is absolutely awesome; he’s not quite at the age where he can (or even wants to) hang out in a kids club without a parent, but I’ve probably spent 20 hours over the past week playing with him in kids clubs, and it sure makes things easier for me
- An amazing, kids-friendly pool is useful; if a hotel has a pool that’s fun, with lots of toys, a waterslide, waterfalls, a lazy river, etc., he’s so excited by that, and can spend hours playing
- While I’m not at all a bathtub person, a nice bathtub is something he values for his nightly bath, as he can easily spend 30 minutes in there playing and using his imagination
I say all of this because the entire trip we’ve had incredible, kid friendly hotels, and then last night we stayed at the Ritz-Carlton Geneva, and it was hilarious to hear Miles’ honest take. I realize he’s a really lucky guy, but kids his age are so unfiltered:
- There was no welcome amenity for him in the room, and he said “I’m sad, there’s no surprise for me”
- The hotel has what’s called a “kids corner,” which I took him to, but as soon as he arrived, he said “papa, this isn’t a kids club”
- “Papa, why does the hotel not have a pool?”
We just had a quick overnight, so none of this was a big deal, but it made me realize how much these little things are noticed by kids, and how useful they are in terms of keeping kids occupied.
Let me acknowledge that the world doesn’t exclusively revolve around kids, and it’s important for hotels to strike the right balance, so that any experience that’s friendly toward kids doesn’t diminish the experience for adults.
There are hotels that are ostensibly kid friendly, but where you feel like you’re aggravating the non-families with your presence, because areas targeted at different groups aren’t spread out enough. So while it’s great to have one large resort pool, it’s even better to have separate pools for adults and families, so you aren’t made to feel bad when your kid is having fun.
I totally get when couples spend a fortunate for hotels and are then frustrated by the presence of families due to space not being properly spread out. At the same time, you can’t blame families either.
The way I research hotels has also changed
I think we all do some research before booking hotels, and I’ve definitely noticed a change in my hotel decision making process based on whether I’m traveling alone or as a couple, or with one or two kids.
For example, personally pools have very little appeal to me if I’m not traveling with our older son, while they are basically a necessity when I travel with him. Nowadays I scour hotel websites looking for pictures of the kids clubs, the pools, etc.
Miles isn’t old enough to swim alone, and he wants to stay in pools forever, so that’s kind of exhausting for me. I’m always on the lookout for hotels with little “splash areas” for kids, where he can just take a bucket and play endlessly by himself, since it gives me a little break.
Bottom line
I don’t think this should come as a huge surprise, but perception of hotels is very different based on whether you’re traveling just as adults, or with kids. It’s a good reminder of how we can all come away from hotel stays with very different impressions, based on what we’re looking for.
Before I became a parent, I didn’t fully realize the extent to which hotel features for kids can make or break a hotel stay. Unhappy kids equal unhappy parents. It’s just an aspect of the hospitality industry I never fully appreciated before I had kids.
To fellow parents, how has your hotel selection process and perception of properties changed since having kids?
I'd love to see even mini reviews/recaps on the places you stayed that you thought were family friendly on this last trip!
On the higher end Four Seasons is the obvious name for traveling with kids. First hand FS Nevis and FS Anguilla are both fantastic (if not expensive) options that really cater to families but also have dedicated adults only spaces.
In Portugal, Martinhal is a very good option. I have yet to...
I'd love to see even mini reviews/recaps on the places you stayed that you thought were family friendly on this last trip!
On the higher end Four Seasons is the obvious name for traveling with kids. First hand FS Nevis and FS Anguilla are both fantastic (if not expensive) options that really cater to families but also have dedicated adults only spaces.
In Portugal, Martinhal is a very good option. I have yet to stay at their Sagres location but we have stayed at the Lisbon Chiado spot and found it fantastic with a young child.
@Ben (and other parents), how do you respond to your kids' questions/disappointment?
If they always expect F/J, luxury hotels, suites, pools, kids clubs, etc., that becomes the norm for them. How are you making sure that their expectations don't become entitlement? Since, you know, entitled kids become entitled adults.
@ Tennen -- It's an excellent question, and one I'm only starting to think more of now. It's only in the past few months (I'd say since the beginning of the year) that I feel like Miles actually comprehends some things on the travel front, and I absolutely don't want him to only expect amazing experiences by default. This trip and the one to Deer Valley earlier in the year were both planned way in...
@ Tennen -- It's an excellent question, and one I'm only starting to think more of now. It's only in the past few months (I'd say since the beginning of the year) that I feel like Miles actually comprehends some things on the travel front, and I absolutely don't want him to only expect amazing experiences by default. This trip and the one to Deer Valley earlier in the year were both planned way in advance, before that was a consideration.
For future travel, I want to mix things up more, so that's my plan. I'll try to mix things up with economy, premium economy, more mid-range hotels, etc.
Thank you for this post, Ben. I would love to see more like this. We are both parents to similarly aged children, and have long travel histories pre-kids. Certainly what you look for changes as a parent. Having laundry at a resort is enormously helpful, and easy to determine. But some small details are hard to look for and super helpful to know (eg, if you selected a suite to have the toddler sleep in...
Thank you for this post, Ben. I would love to see more like this. We are both parents to similarly aged children, and have long travel histories pre-kids. Certainly what you look for changes as a parent. Having laundry at a resort is enormously helpful, and easy to determine. But some small details are hard to look for and super helpful to know (eg, if you selected a suite to have the toddler sleep in the living room in a crib while adults relax or sleep in the bedroom, does the door between the rooms fully close? or have a window that lets light through?; do they have a diaper pail and fridge that cools to milk-safe temps rather than beverage cooler?, are there steps required that make a stroller challenging?). I very much value the baby/toddler amenities and having a crib with fitted sheet (not flat that is tucked, so as to pull out and become a suffocation hazard) is critical. Figuring out these details prior to the stay places extra value on the website detail and pre-arrival assistance. Oh, and can housekeeping come service the room when you're out in between naps and be done by the time you're back for next nap (politely asking them, "come now")? This never mattered pre-kids....
I would say that choosing a hotel with a child does take some considerations while balancing others. We took out 2 year old to the FS Manele Bay on Lanai because they have actual cribs we could use, which was great (plus, they offered free RT flights for a limited time, which was a great deal).
However, we also want to make sure our son doesn't grow up feeling spoiled. Our travel habits ultimately lead...
I would say that choosing a hotel with a child does take some considerations while balancing others. We took out 2 year old to the FS Manele Bay on Lanai because they have actual cribs we could use, which was great (plus, they offered free RT flights for a limited time, which was a great deal).
However, we also want to make sure our son doesn't grow up feeling spoiled. Our travel habits ultimately lead to us book flights and hotels that are really the best value based on dates, times, number of seats, etc. As a result, most of our flights are in economy, 1/2 the time using cash, and hotels are a mix of luxury (usually with points) to limited service (using cash). Whatever the accommodations or method of transportation, he's just grateful for the opportunites he has to explore the world.
I love this. Great balance. I have the same concern...I thought a courtyard Marriott was luxury when I was a kid....
Have to agree about the pool - a pool is not something I ever cared about (at all), but when my daughter was little she was a "water baby". Hanging out in the pool was always a highlight of the vacation - her mom and I might have been amazed by, say, Angkor Wat, but the kid just wanted to get back in the hotel pool.
Having a six-year-old and going to resorts and seeing other kids, I came to realize that the very reason why some hotels are adult-only is because of how bad behaved are many kids from (for example) Middle East, India, China.
@GRkennedy: Racist much?
It's certainly a very privileged upbringing to be staying at the Ritz-Carlton Geneva at such a young age.
I have always thought of Ritz-Carlton (especially in a city) as more suitable for those travelling child-free rather than as families.
Although their online material suggests they are keen on kids, so just not in Geneva.
I do wish that brands would be more consistent across hotels, and not all try to be all things to all people.
RC Geneva going on my positive list!
Just booking hotels for Japan and Hong Kong right now. We have a 2.5year old.
Kids club is not much of a factor but I am studying neighbourhoods for playgrounds and parks. Quality of the swings and the slide are of highest importance. Pool is very useful although a local public pool is a good second choice.
Access to a washing machine allows us to pack light. In room washing machines are surprisingly...
Just booking hotels for Japan and Hong Kong right now. We have a 2.5year old.
Kids club is not much of a factor but I am studying neighbourhoods for playgrounds and parks. Quality of the swings and the slide are of highest importance. Pool is very useful although a local public pool is a good second choice.
Access to a washing machine allows us to pack light. In room washing machines are surprisingly common in Japanese hotels so this is good.
For us having a door we can close on him is the key. We’ve done nanny services for when we want to go out as a couple but some nights, after a day with a very energetic toddler, sometimes all we want to do is flop in front of the TV.
Whoops I didn’t mean that to be a reply
Congratulations, soon you will realize why we have agreed to go to all inclusives as you know you can get food that your kids will actually eat haha