Review: Virgin Atlantic Upper Class A340 Los Angeles To London Heathrow

More disappointing than the red velvet fairy cake, the first cheese is mislabeled, it should be 'stinking bishop'. Excellent cheese, though.

Wow, what an obnoxious review.

"'Crisps, delightfully"
"Dessert, or as the British insist on calling it, “pudding”"
"“Red Velvet Cake,” since the British don’t know what a cupcake is"
"the breakfast was flavorless. Then again, England"
"Virgin’s “Vera” system is heavily skewed toward UK shows and films"

Have you travelled outside America before? Sometimes people in other countries use different expressions, and - no, it's true - even have non-American TV shows.

Nick - always love reading your reviews and your sense of humor is enlightening. However, I must comment that your shoes are disgustingly dirty. Hint: grocery store, Cheer, washing machine.......

Xanax and Advil PM? Seems like a lot. But if it works.

You didn't mention the Upper Class bar - did you have an opportunity to sit there and have a cocktail?

Looks like this is a flight leg that'd cost about $7K USD. I'd say those annoyances - outlets, menu, etc.- aren't really acceptable for that price.

Six hours of sleep from Xanax and Advil p.m.. This improves any long-haul flying experience and even makes Economy tolerable. Though I would warn the reader about mixing alcohol and meds like Xanax, and rather just sticking with a prescribed sleep aid.

Isn't the fun of travel to experience new things? New cultures, new lifestyles and even new languages. Each to his (or her) own I suppose... So Nick - why do you even own a passport? Stay home and spare us your babble.

Virgin's A340s do indeed have overhead reading lights just like on any other Airbus, which are controlled by the IFE remote -- but in order to strike the proper mood, Virgin turns the main cabin lights to purple during boarding, which does not put off much light, and then sets all of the overhead reading lights to "on". They go off sometime during taxi and takeoff, and then you can put them back on with the remote. I guess it's possible the ones at your seat were broken or something though?

Dear Martin: It's called humor. You either get it or you don't. I personally think you do since, after all, you asked Nick if he's travelled much outside the US -- and that's actually pretty funny.

@Martin - I hope you complain that vigorously when Brits post cheeky reviews of any American-based service providers. I'll help you out with a template:

"Wow, what an obnoxious review. Have you travelled outside England before? Sometimes people in other countries use different expressions, and – no, it’s true – even have non-British TV shows."

@Nick, great review. Love your sense of humour. Keep up the great work. Can't wait to read your Garuda review

It sounds like your flight was a bit underwhelming. At least you got a solid sleep! It's a bummer you didn't get their new 787 !

All three of my Virgin Atlantic Upper Class flights have disappointed me in various ways and it's unlikely I'll fly them again. For starters, I find the cabin crews to be comprised of individuals, who, when applying to Virgin, perhaps didn't quite grasp that much more would be required of them than posing in a smart uniform, snacking in the galley, and partying in exotic locales.

I've been flying internationally for 45 years and can spot from 10 rows away a flight attendant who is robotically counting the minutes until he or she can go on break, or better yet, 'slam-click' their door at the layover hotel. Onboard Virgin Atlantic I've encountered a higher percentage of these individuals than on just about any other European transatlantic carrier.

For example: On a San Francisco to London 747 flight I was seated in 'A' zone (the nose), but couldn't sleep because of several rather drunk, very loud passengers seated near me. As 'B' zone was completely empty, I took my pillow and comforter and made my way past the galley to settle-down and try to get some shut-eye. Before I'd even selected a seat, a flight attendant came out of the galley and stopped me, saying I'd have to return to my assigned seat upfront. I understood why a bit later, when she and a number of other Upper and Economy Class flight attendants settled into seats in the empty 'B' zone, to eat, rest, and watch movies; effectively turning the space into a big crew lounge.

Perhaps over the years Richard Branson's well-publicized 'party hearty' ethic has infused Virgin's Inflight Training Department, because on my flights, many of the cabin crewmembers seemed too exhausted to do much more than just go through the motions. I certainly was never treated like a welcome guest.

Why don't you like the A340-600? It's my favorite aircraft. It was the longest plane until the 747-8 has been introduced and it's still really unique, longer than the A380. Personally I love it 🙂

I find Nick's commentary fun to read and appreciate his tongue-in-cheek (not a euphemism) poking of various peoples. The comments that follow his reviews are also enjoyable. Having previously induced rioting over the Mont Blanc Asian lady, and now setting back Anglo-American relations, I eagerly anticipate Nick's future installments. 😉

Thank you for convincing me to never fly VA. As to the idiot who was disparaging about your overseas experience disregard. He sounds like a typical Brit, there is a reason the Empire is now just a tiny little island :). Imagine if you had paid hard dollars for that flight. As I read your review I thought if that was me I would not be amused.It was a good review thanks

@Casey: Ha! I prefer to think of it as a "look." 😉

Nick, I noticed you took at xanax for sleep. I do the same on long flights, and to help me adjust to significant jet lag once I've landed. I'm planning on going to Dubai and Abu Dhabi over Christmas and from what I've read, the UAE bans bringing in many prescriptions Americans use. It can also be an issue even for a connecting flight. Apparently, there's something about maybe it's ok if you bring a note from your doctor, but I, maybe unnecessarily, feel like I really, really want to abide by every possible law or regulation in the UAE. Do you know anything about this? It would be great to see a post on this issue regarding the UAE, or any other countries where it might be an issue.

"Dessert, or as the British insist on calling it, “pudding”"

On some blog somewhere, a British person traveling on United or American (or, hell, even Delta) just typed out the following sentence: Pudding, or as the Americans insist on calling it, “dessert” 😉

@wwk5d: Ha, fair enough! Though in Delta One the menus say "Dolci," so how's that for a curveball.

That A346 has been retired from Virgin fleet already and was replaced by b789.

Nick, I have to agree with @Martin, as a British reader, though the first time round the "joke" was funny, you repeated it through so many times (essentially, "Britain thinks this, I'm American so they are wrong, and obviously I'm right.") that it got extremely tiresome, and whilst I must commend your attempts at humour, I am afraid that the rest of your trip report (which I am sure would be excellent as per usual, if it wasn't for the constant anti-British jokes) was sidelined by this overload of anti-British "jokes".

I'm not saying Britain is "right" with, to take an example, "pudding", but if a country wants to call it that, then let it be. All IMO, of course.

*Though even as a Brit, I have to agree that the Red Velvet shown is just a cupcake.
**For an example of a (in my opinion) funny take on UK vs USA, https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2nuals/nonbritish_people_of_reddit_what_about_britain_is/

Nick, I'm another Britsh reader that found your "jokes" to be quite tiresome and tedious, the only funny bit seemed to be that you constantly got your stereotypes wrong, in England we call "pudding" dessert more than we call it pudding and as for the breakfast I suppose there's no taste unless it's been deep fat fried... It's a shame that you seemed to turn what would have been a good review into an opportunity to have a go at Britain. And as for @Rand who tried to imply that Britain is weak, is that why you can't win a war without us? How Did Vietnam go again?

Is there some sort of charity to which I can donate money to help the poor victims of anti-British discrimination? These are a people who have suffered too much, and for too long.

Also, @Rand, if you want a comeback to Oliver, you can start with the Revolutionary War and end at D-Day.

@Nick, well played reply to Oliver.

I think to experienced travelers, pointing out some of the nuances between American English and that of the U.K. might be tired and played out, but for others it's a whole new world or word 😉

I enjoyed your report.

Nick, so the only notable war that America seems to have won is one in which its opponent was based over 4000 miles away and was fighting against numerous other nations at the same time, but still managed to hold out for 8 years, pretty good for a tiny little island... And I found an interesting article if you care for some light reading, https://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/why-america-keeps-losing-wars

I'm not reading this blog anymore. Say bye to Ben for me Nick.

Nick, random question, and silly, but where did you get your jeans? I quite like them...

Nice wine choice Nick 😀

@Andrew M: I owe it all to you!

"Is there some sort of charity to which I can donate money to help the poor victims of anti-British discrimination? These are a people who have suffered too much, and for too long."

Haha, this is too good.

Nick, ignore the humourless @Martin. I love reading your posts and reviews.

I always take away the menu as a memento of the flight, and to show to anyone interested! I definitely would have slipped it into my bag. Never heard of such a disorganised flight!

that dirty sneaker is so disgustingdisgusting. For a better picture and quality of this blog, pls don't include your feet.

You say po-tae-to, I say po-tah-to,
You say to-mae-to, I say to-mah-to......
Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man....
Fairy cake, cupcake...?
and don't start me on biscuits!!!

Slightly off-topic, I think America is the only place in the world who refers to the second dish of a meal as an "entrée". Look it up in a (non American) dictionary, and you will see how very wrong it is!

@Shannon: you seem nice!

So obviously, nick, upon the first second someone shames america the same way he's been shaming the UK (among other countries) starts to get defensive and gives some miserable charity metaphor. Please grow a pair. Thanks.

It really wasn't a very nice review, regardless of your experience.Feels like your nose was out of joint having not experienced the expected 787, and you wanted it all to go downhill from there.

Comments like “the breakfast was flavorless. Then again, England” are gratuitous.

@Glenn T.: Yeah, you're right (I think even in Canada they say "mains"?). Considering entrée has a fairly obvious meaning, it's weird Americans use that to describe the course that's not the starter.

I'm the first to admit Americans use English just as weirdly as the Brits do! 🙂

@Nick we don't need charity, we can simply drown our sorrows in tea. End of story.

My favourite bit of your review (where clearly it's not going to be good as it's not a 787-9!) was....

“Oh, the New-Its Saint George,” she clarified.

Indubitably one of Essex's best exports on board that day. Have a watch of https://www.itv.com/itvplayer/virgin-atlantic-up-in-the-air/series-1/episode-1 to get an idea 🙂

PS: Yes I'm British.

Lucky, this is a terrible review and I would hope you seriously think about taking him off your staff.

"if you want a comeback to Oliver, you can start with the Revolutionary War and end at D-Day."

I would hope that Rand could come up with a better comeback, given that yours merely highlights the fact that it would be another four decades before the U.S. would win another war, this time against the mighty nation of Grenada. USA! USA! USA!

Good job on leaving out the minor detail of the Brits burning down the White House and much of the rest of Washington, D.C. in 1814, by the way.

While I find Ben to be over the top in his snobbery at times (read as: he gets flustered over things that I don't see as a big deal; you just learn to take it with grain of salt), he at least keeps focus on the service and comes across as polite, gracious and intelligent. I had high hopes when he started having guest contributors but it has been a serious disappointment. Nick, you come across as boorish (or as the lower end of my fellow Americans insist on calling it, "as an a**hole") and as a caricature of the ugly American tourist.

Hopefully, Ben will see the negative impact you're having on his blog and find someone more suited.

im neither British nor American, but I still find this review rather mean spirited and condescending

This is just offensive. Why is Ben letting you publish such snobbish, unwelcome statements?

Not good.

Nick, enjoyable review. I'll be flying a VS A340-600 ORD to LHR soon and have not flown their UC. What is the recommendation for a seat selection for a couple traveling?

@Jeff: Thanks! It's a bit hard to say as the seats are really quite private, but my suggestion would be two seats one in front of each other. You're not going to be able to see each other in flight while both seated. However, you can sit on the ottoman (which has a seat belt) and have a conversation and even share a meal with your other half, which is a pretty great setup for a business class seat.

@Jeff - My husband & I flew VS UC LHR-LAX-LHR a couple of years ago on the A340-600. We chose window & aisle - was quite easy to be able to converse with each other, we could see each other throughout the flight & the one sat in the aisle was able to see out the window (unlike the one in the window seat who couldn't unless they craned their neck about 160 degrees over their shoulder!).

That's how this language is supposed to be spoken, cheeky!

I am flying back from Europe this week on Virgin Upper Class. I flew MIA-LHR a few months ago. Many years ago I loved Upper Class. However I did not know much at that time. Now MIA-LHR is that same ancient plane. Feels like a throwback to the year 2000. On a flagship route no less. Crappy Entertainment, beds that point into the aisle. How is that private? Not a great premium experience. Food is just ok. Service can vary. BA has a much better business class and first class product. Virgin Upper Class is considered to be business class service. However the plus is that Delta has availability at 125K round trip at low level. If anyone cares you can book Econ seats at 60K R/T with a ton of availability throughout the year. Better than using American miles where they push BA with huge surcharges, or crappy routes (not non stop) MIA-LHR via the new 777-ER AA plane is really good. Just very tough to get. The crappy Amerfican 777 piece of junk ancient config also flys that route and sometimes available for miles. But again a crappy old plane.

I completely enjoyed your review. I fly twice yearly from the UK to Los Angeles as I'm an American living in Scotland. I do like flying Virgin Atlantic and I have a system wherein I fly premium TO LA and Upper on my way back to the UK. I identify with everything you said. Once exception is that my first Upper Class experience I had a flight attendant who thought she was a bit more up the ladder than me and that annoyed me in the EXTREME. Since, however, the service has been quite good for what you are getting which is basically a business class calling itself Upper Class. I had asked a friend who works for Virgin what their First Class is, she said..."Upper" and i had to correct her as this is NOT Upper Class by any stretch of the imagination.

I always take my sleeping tablet and other medication all the better to sleep with of course, and find that although quite squishy, VA provides a comfy way to watch a film and drift off to dreamland. I've never asked for a sleep suit because I board prepared.

To say on the RED VELVET, on my flight in June, I had a proper slice of real Red Velvet cake. Not a cupcake. I was pleased. I do wish they'd get another boarding snack besides potato chips...not a favorite.

I do appreciate VA Upper Class but having flowin United's Business Class, I find it lacking. I stay loyal to VA because I have a zillion miles with them and I am happy overall with the service received. I will say in closing that the one time I flew economy...the staff were utterly rude and dismissive. I guess you get the service you pay for.

@Kate Have you already travelled (mind me for not remembering your dates). I'm a Yank living in the Uk and my in laws temporarily live in Dubai. My doc here in the UK was concerned about my Rx list. I was told by Dubai customs, as long as you have your medication in packaging with YOUR name on it, this is not a problem. Their concern is medication coming in without prescription. It's rather dogmatically defined but as long as it is YOUR meds, with your name, you are fine. I followed all rules, even went through the "something to declare" line with my medication to declare. Nobody bothered to greet me or ask me anything. I walked out, got in my father in law's car and that was it.

Just be sure, all meds have your name. For extra caution, I had my doc make copies of my prescriptions and write a letter stating what they were for. Again, not needed.

Flying V UC this week and thought I would see if I could find any current reviews as the last two flights were a wee while ago. I just found myself getting annoyed as I read this, and those dirty sneakers on a seat is outrageous, you certainly would have gotten the stink eye from me!

The person that said this was spot on:

" I had high hopes when he started having guest contributors but it has been a serious disappointment. Nick, you come across as boorish (or as the lower end of my fellow Americans insist on calling it, “as an a**hole”) and as a caricature of the ugly American tourist.

Hopefully, Ben will see the negative impact you’re having on his blog and find someone more suited."

@Lou, I had forgotten how much Chavs love a pristine white sneaker. (See the Mirror and its description that the Chav loves a "gleaming white trainer".) I'll keep in mind for future posts that Ben's UK readers are mostly Chavs. Thanks for pointing this out!

@Nick what an absolute w*nker you are!

@No I am not british: It's obvious you're not British. Otherwise you'd have called him a tosser, not a wanker.

Red velvet refers to the taste and colour of the dessert. Red (vanilla or chocolate) cake with cream cheese filling/topping. Know your facts before making a joke please, otherwise you may sound stupid.

Nick,

Your little anti-foreigner put downs just make you appear mean spirited. Maybe consider that American views aren't aleaways right. Brits are people too! We've just grown up in a different environment, not a wrong environment

One thing worth mentioning here is that the food was supplied from the US end of the flight - a notoriously inferior offering to the food supplied from the UK to US end. The A346 is dated, being retired and not worth further investment as their leases expire at ten years. Frankly if I can't get a Dreamliner now, I don't fly Virgin Atlantic any more.