I apologize in advance if I’m being too sappy, so by all means please skip this post, if it doesn’t interest you… I totally get it. But I find writing stuff down to be cathartic, and I guess you could say that OMAAT is my journal, in a way, so thank you for tolerating me using this as an outlet.
In this post:
Happy birthday, mom, I haven’t stopped thinking about you
Last October, I lost my mom to ovarian cancer, after a battle that lasted over six years. While those years were incredibly challenging, and trying to find the right balance in life was impossible, I’m beyond grateful for the amount of time that I had with her.
We made the most of every day, and that puts me at so much peace. We didn’t think she’d get to meet either of our kids, but she ended up meeting both of them. I realize how lucky I am, because so many people lose loved ones from one minute to the next, and never get to say goodbye. Meanwhile we had a six plus year farewell tour.
Today, June 10, would’ve been my mom’s 73rd birthday. I’d say I’m thinking about her today, but the truth is that I haven’t stopped thinking about her since she passed. Not a single day has gone by that I don’t think about her. And if I’m being honest, barely a waking hour goes by.
Honestly, the waves in which grief comes really screws with your head. Sometimes I think about her and smile. Sometimes I think about her and have to do everything in my power to hold back tears. Sometimes I almost can’t remember what her voice sounds like, and sometimes I can hear her voice in my head, and feel like she’s there. I’ll hear a song playing that she loved, and sometimes it just puts the biggest smile on my face, and other times it makes me want to break down.
A few weeks ago while traveling, I remember waking up in a hotel in the middle of the night from a dream, and in the dream, my mom and I were on a trip. When I woke up, it felt so real, and I remember feeling so much at peace to have had that feeling… only to minutes later be bawling.
Our older son, Miles, is going to be four years old in a couple of months, and he still very much remembers her. It can’t be put into words how much joy Miles brought my mom, and the feeling was mutual. Nothing tears at my heartstrings quite like when he asks “when are we going to see Barbara again?” or “can we call Barbara?” It makes me so happy that he remembers, and so sad that there will be no more visits or calls, at least in this life…
The kindness, strength, and wisdom that so many people showed me made such a difference, and I can’t sufficiently put my gratitude into words. For other people who are going through loss, here’s something that someone shared with me at the time that I still look back on, and which I can’t help but echo, and which brings me comfort:
I wish I could tell you it gets easier – but it’s really that it just gets easier to deal with… I do promise that. I also promise you she’ll send you signs from the universe that she is still with you and your family – just keep your eyes and heart open… you’ll see them, no doubt.
I’m (mostly) excited for a month of family travel
For me, family has always been the most important thing in the world. Admittedly I’ve been blessed with an incredibly loving family, and I realize how many people don’t have that. I don’t take it for granted. I also find a lot of comfort in knowing how much my mom adored kids, and how being a good dad would make her prouder and happier than anything.
So along those lines, this week we’re departing on quite the family trip. We’ve traveled long haul, with our older son, Miles, a few times now. To be honest, we haven’t done much travel with our younger son, Jet, who is turning one year old soon. That’s going to be changing, and boy are we ripping the band-aid off.
We’re heading out for about a month, with a big family trip, taking both of our kids to Europe. And beyond that, my mother-in-law and father will also be joining parts of the trip, so it’s going to be quite the adventure. Renting a car big enough for everything we’ll have is proving to be quite the challenge. We’re obviously trying to move a little slower, so here’s the plan:
- We decided to rent a house in Greece on a rather quiet island, just to keep things simple, and so the kids have a pool to play in
- We then have quite a bit of time in the Germany and Austria area, and based on some reader recommendations, we actually decided to go to South Tyrol, which I remember going to when I was a little kid with my parents, and I can’t wait to return, as I have such fond memories
- Then we’re going to finish off the trip in Sylt, an island in Germany, which was my mom’s favorite place; my hope is that we can spread some of her ashes there (emotionally I’m still struggling with this concept, but it’s best to probably rip the band-aid off)
Not to be too prescriptive, but as I always say, don’t forget to check on your loved ones (especially parents), spend as much time with them as you can, and take that trip, if at all possible.
Bottom line
Today is — or would’ve been — my mom’s 73rd birthday. She has been on my mind every single day since she passed, though certainly today I’m thinking of her even more than usual, since I think over 34 years, I only missed one birthday with her.
To those who have suffered a loss — and honestly, it’s a shared human experience, so I realize I’m not special — I’m thinking of you, and know you’re not alone. While I wish it weren’t that way, there’s comfort in knowing that this is part of life, and is unavoidable. I’m so grateful for the time I had with my mom, but that doesn’t change the constant wave of emotions that I feel to this day, because a part of me will always be missing. But I’m also so blessed to have two great kids. While they don’t replace her, they certainly take up a big part of my heart.
Especially with it being summer, don’t forget to tell your loved ones how much you care about them, and make them feel special. And ideally redeem some miles and take that trip with them!
Hi Ben, your Happy Birthday note to your mom brought tears to my eyes. My mother is also 73 and luckily is hale and hearty - so is my dad who is 75. But who knows when life suddenly goes in a different direction. Planning to spend more time with them.
Beautiful post Ben - she is looking down on you I’m sure!
You brought tears to my eyes.
I wish you enjoy your trip with your family.
You're right, it never gets easier. it just gets easier to deal with.
There days that come out of the blue. where grief strikes you, and you can not do anything about, just cherish your memories.
May she rest in peace, she seems like a very pleasant and caring mother.
I will keep her in my prayers.
Thank you for writing this post.
Beautiful!
I also lost my Mom back in 2015, it was very sudden :(
That was really touching...so lovely to read.
Thanks for sharing.
Go mom!
Sending big hugs.
What a beautiful message, thank you for sharing it with us. :)
Lovely homage! Blessings
It's been almost 20 years and I still miss my mom, who adored traveling. Thank you for sharing this.
Beautiful lady who gave birth to a great son. She'd be proud.
May she rest in peace!
Thanks for sharing. You never really get over the death of a parent.
I almost cried reading this
Happy Birthday, Mom!
Feliz cumpleaños, mamá de Lucky!
She is by your side, unconditional Love stays forever and ever.
Free from physical limits, the spirit is always near. We cannot see it with our everyday senses, but we can always feel it...we can still feel its presence.
Remembering and feeling our dearest and purest loved one is a form of closeness and communication—an embrace through energy. I believe this is real and...
Happy Birthday, Mom!
Feliz cumpleaños, mamá de Lucky!
She is by your side, unconditional Love stays forever and ever.
Free from physical limits, the spirit is always near. We cannot see it with our everyday senses, but we can always feel it...we can still feel its presence.
Remembering and feeling our dearest and purest loved one is a form of closeness and communication—an embrace through energy. I believe this is real and not just words of comfort.
Pure love binds us spiritually. It creates an eternal bond where the soul that transcends first becomes a celestial light for the one left behind.
"They just got ahead of us on the path; we will catch up with them later"
Sending you a warm, tropical hug from Mexico!
Happy Birthday to your mom, Ben. By the way, I remembered you posted travels with your dad, mom, and your mom’s boyfriend or new husband (I can’t remember). The four of you were so lovely together and had so much fun as a family. So many people loved your wonderful mom. I have always viewed your parents as your very special guests on your blog and how they enjoyed the travels as much as you...
Happy Birthday to your mom, Ben. By the way, I remembered you posted travels with your dad, mom, and your mom’s boyfriend or new husband (I can’t remember). The four of you were so lovely together and had so much fun as a family. So many people loved your wonderful mom. I have always viewed your parents as your very special guests on your blog and how they enjoyed the travels as much as you do. I was just thinking if your mom’s partner can also help you get through it. Talking to those who are close to you can help a lot.
Happy heavenly birthday to your mum x
Ben, I loved your post. It was especially timeful for me. Our mom's were almost birthday twins. I lost my mom 12 years ago. Her birthday is today, June 11th. You were an amazing son to your mom. Your suggestion, to 'take that last trip', is exactly spot on. No one ever knows how much time left there really is to be with loved ones.
Heartfelt respect Ben :-)
What a beautiful post ❤️
I was fortunate to have known your mom when she ran the salon. I can see where your grace and empathy come from. Her spirit endures.
Tchüß
Sending you lots of positive thoughts and love, Ben.
You're right that you're lucky to have had six years to say goodbye. But six years of saying goodbye is hard in and of itself. As one of those people who lost someone (my wife) suddenly -- she said goodbye at breakfast to go on an excursion and I never saw her again -- you are right that it is hard not to say goodbye....
Sending you lots of positive thoughts and love, Ben.
You're right that you're lucky to have had six years to say goodbye. But six years of saying goodbye is hard in and of itself. As one of those people who lost someone (my wife) suddenly -- she said goodbye at breakfast to go on an excursion and I never saw her again -- you are right that it is hard not to say goodbye. But I also didn't have to watch her suffer.
There is no good way to lose a loved one. It sucks no matter what.
The years do dull the pain but it will still get you at times. Even a decade removed, writing this is bringing me to tears. Hold Ford, Miles, Jet and your dad close for all the time you have!
Happy birthday to your mom out there. Thanks for sharing this beautiful post.
Happy birthday to her in the sky.
I miss mine everyday as well.
❤️
Ben, you are a great son and shared so much with your Mom (and us)! I have a similar 2025 story losing a parent to the big C. The best memories are have are hauling Dad in first class somewhere fun. He’d never treat himself, but once while the CK status snagged us a tarmac ride, he finally said “I get it “
I appreciate you brining along for each mile and just being awesome.
Despite being Internet strangers, it's uncanny how similar your life's milestones are to mine. I have two children just a few years older than Miles and Jet, and I too lost my mother recently. I went through the same thought of whether she'd be able to see any of my children and she ended up being able to see both before she passed away.
Your dreams story hit me hard. I remember when my...
Despite being Internet strangers, it's uncanny how similar your life's milestones are to mine. I have two children just a few years older than Miles and Jet, and I too lost my mother recently. I went through the same thought of whether she'd be able to see any of my children and she ended up being able to see both before she passed away.
Your dreams story hit me hard. I remember when my mom as alive I'd occasionally have awful dreams of her dying and then waking up grateful that it was all just a dream and she was still alive. Now it's the opposite: I'll have great dreams about her being alive and then wake up to the awful truth that she's gone.
What surprises me is that even my younger daughter remembers my mother and asks about her. So Jet may yet surprise you :)
If you haven't seen it yet, there's a children's book called The Invisible String by Patrice Karst that you might enjoy reading to Miles and Jet that helps young kids deal with being away from loved ones.
I'm glad you're taking time to make good memories with your extended family this summer. They will last in your children's heads for far longer than you might realize. My kids still talk about places we visited when they were babies!
Ben, thank you for sharing and I’m so sorry for your loss. And I wanted to second Lunes book recommendation. I used to work in the clinical space at a pediatric hospital, where we used many books to help kids (big and small) to process grief.
The invisible string is still one of our favorites and Patrice is an incredible person. That is a great book because it isn’t about death and grief, so...
Ben, thank you for sharing and I’m so sorry for your loss. And I wanted to second Lunes book recommendation. I used to work in the clinical space at a pediatric hospital, where we used many books to help kids (big and small) to process grief.
The invisible string is still one of our favorites and Patrice is an incredible person. That is a great book because it isn’t about death and grief, so it’s easier to read, but is so relevant to the topic. As they get older, if they’re ever wanting to process more of the process of losing someone my favorite book is Ida Always… just have a box of tissues at hand.
If you ever have questions on good books for kids of various components of grief, reach out. I still have access to our clinician curated collection of titles and happy to make specific recs.
I know the feeling, I lost my mum to cancer in 2020. It is probably the hardest thing I had to go through in my life and I still think about her allot today.
The grief journey is unique for everyone, however with you have written those emotions resonate strongly to what I have experienced.
She will be proud you are continuing to honour her spirit by echoing the love she gave to...
I know the feeling, I lost my mum to cancer in 2020. It is probably the hardest thing I had to go through in my life and I still think about her allot today.
The grief journey is unique for everyone, however with you have written those emotions resonate strongly to what I have experienced.
She will be proud you are continuing to honour her spirit by echoing the love she gave to you, with the love that you share with your family.
I wish you and your family all the best.
We celebrate your Mom today as well, Ben.
May she be smiling on you and your family
Bless you Ben. You really have a wonderful family. I have a sense that you have peace and happiness because of the wonderful life your parents and children provided.
Take care
Dear Ben,
Thank you for your post and sharing your feelings. My favorite trip reports of yours has been with your mom & dad.
Please note that spreading human ashes is forbidden in Germany.
I am living through the same thing. Beautifully expressed.
Ben,
My mother would have turned 100 years old this year. She passed away at just 64, and I still miss her every day. Some days I laugh at the wonderful memories we shared, and other days I find myself crying because I miss her so much. It has been 35 years, yet the love and loss remain.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you have a wonderful time with...
Ben,
My mother would have turned 100 years old this year. She passed away at just 64, and I still miss her every day. Some days I laugh at the wonderful memories we shared, and other days I find myself crying because I miss her so much. It has been 35 years, yet the love and loss remain.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you have a wonderful time with your family, and that you cherish every moment together. Those moments become precious memories that stay with us forever.
Very nice post!
Great words Ben. Enjoy your trip and safe travels!
Great words Ben. Enjoy your trip and safe travels!
Ben, this is lovely as are all the posts about your mom. Your readers miss her too. Thank you for sharing her with us over the years.
@Lucky: what a wonderful touching post from You and what wonderful comments from everyone!
Beautiful sentiments. Thanks for sharing.
Happy Birthday to your mom, Lucky. What a beautiful post.
My own mother suffers from bad dementia but I'm so grateful I get to remember seeing her as much as possible.
Big hugs to you and your adorable family!
As someone who's been here on a daily basis and has been a part of this community for almost two decades, I want you to know that I think about you and your family. I've followed your journey every step of the way and thank you for bringing us along.
As one man always says, “The time will come when the memory of your mom will bring a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eye."
Beautiful post Ben.
I can relate to the dreams, I constantly have dreams involving my grandparents who are no longer around, then wake up and it's the worst feeling.
Just know you did what you could to make the last years of her life wonderful!
Thank you for another good post. Your son will surely enjoy reading these one day. Have a great trip-
There is a tipping point, when the grief and piercing bereavement turn into a smile. You remember only the good times. Look back and cherish all the good wisdom and experiences and pass them on to your kids. That tipping point is highly acute. Like when you turn a lightbulb several times and bam… the light is on. You’ll know when you’ve reached it. It’s transcending. It’s part of the journey. The journey that you wouldn’t trade for a trillion miles.
Great post! Thank you for sharing. Tying your passion for travel to your family and the memory of your mom makes this blog more enjoyable to read.
We are with you Lucky in thoughts always! Thanks so much for sharing about your incredible mom and she forsure is continuing to see joy from her children and grandchildren.
Dear Ben,
I have lost my father to cancer 22 years ago, when I was 28 - so my father never lived to see his grandsons.
And here I am, with tears in my eyes, blown away by how accurately and touchingly you described the multi-faceted layers of grief. With your beautiful article you really touched my heart, and you managed to put in words everything I have been feeling for over two...
Dear Ben,
I have lost my father to cancer 22 years ago, when I was 28 - so my father never lived to see his grandsons.
And here I am, with tears in my eyes, blown away by how accurately and touchingly you described the multi-faceted layers of grief. With your beautiful article you really touched my heart, and you managed to put in words everything I have been feeling for over two decades.
Grief is a journey, and a never-ending at that …
May you and your family always find comfort in the wonderful memories of the time you have spent together with your Mom!
No apologies necessary Ben, we know, we feel, we commiserate.
I started reading OMAAT since I was in middle school, and it's been a huge privilege to grow up 'with' you. Your love for all that you love is felt and helps shape the world I live in today. Thanks to your mom and here's to some great years and years in the universe beyond, wherever she may be
Ben, don't ever apologize for the love you have for your dear mother, nor the grief that you bare.
I know that so many of us that have enjoyed your blog for years and shared your many journey's ( literal and figurative) embrace and support you.
The summer vacation sound like quite the plan and we can't wait to see the stories.
Happy birthday to your mom in heaven. I know it is hard, and no one can replace her. You just learn to live with the pain that she is no longer with you, but the memories you cherish of her makes life a bit easier. Think of her all the time and always talk to your kids about her. Just because she is not here in person, the memories are. I am very glad that...
Happy birthday to your mom in heaven. I know it is hard, and no one can replace her. You just learn to live with the pain that she is no longer with you, but the memories you cherish of her makes life a bit easier. Think of her all the time and always talk to your kids about her. Just because she is not here in person, the memories are. I am very glad that she was able to meet her grandchildren and spend time with them. She was very lucky to have a solid family.
May she rest in peace and please continue to talk about her.
Sorry for your loss, It's really hard to lose a parent.
What a lovely and touching post, Ben. It brought some tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for what you do for the travel and points community. Thinking of you and your family!
This site is run by a real human. Maybe that’s why some of us are here. Thanks for sharing.
Exactly, so many blogs now are just AI slop, and seeing a heartfelt emotional post from a real human is really refreshing.
Genau. We love you Ben!
May she rest in peace. And may all these beautiful memories you were so lucky to have thoughtfully create with her over the years, warm your heart in your time of grief.
You are such a lucky man and she was a lucky mother to have you. ✨
Sending love ❤️❤️❤️
Sending love. Grief is such a many layered thing, and we experience it differently person to person and even differently at different times. You loved her as best you could, and you'll always have that.